


Hate and Heart

by darklips_paleface



Series: Nygmobblepot Week 2019 [5]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Day 5, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fake Dating, M/M, Multi, Nygmobs week 2019, Regency Era, So here we are, Sofia is my everything GOD i love a woman, and also, bc i love her, different era, handie js and BJs babeyyyy, i love regency romance novels, its an Austen fic yall, only instead of falling in love they just remain homies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-12-25 20:32:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklips_paleface/pseuds/darklips_paleface
Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single Oswald in possession of a good fortune must be in want of an Ed.





	1. Fighting at festivities

**Author's Note:**

> So it’s a regency era nygmobs fic,,,,Yeah. Multi-chapter, bully me to update more once this hell week is over. And probs I’ll base this very loosely on some Jane Austen books but uhh ultimately it’s ~~it’s own thang~~

       Edward Nygma hated parties. Loathed them, really. 

 

     Back in the beginning of his first season, when he was the mysterious new bachelor that no one knew anything about, the parties had been fun and exciting. Everyone dressed in their finest clothes, desperately hoping to catch the eye of their ideal match. The drinks overflowing, the music loud, and the dancing lively; it was exactly what every young person had spent their childhood dreaming their first season would be. 

 

     That fantasy was rather short lived for Edward. At first, the mothers had flocked to him. He was young, not horrible to look at, and assumed to be rich. An ideal match for their perfect, young meal tickets. However, it wasn’t long before someone had the bright idea to investigate further, and it was discovered that Eds fortune was much,  _ much  _ smaller than anticipated. With that, all the matchmaking mother hens lost interest. Their daughters on the other hand- they had never shown any interest in the first place. Every single one of them found Ed to be too…  _ peculiar.  _

 

     Edward tried to remain unhurt. After all, he had never lied about his money, or the fact that it was tied not to a family name but rather his own scientific advancements. Though it seemed no one cared much for intelligence when it came to matters of the heart. Or, really, matters of the wallet. The hurt had faded, Ed had learned to accept himself and all his oddities, and even made peace with the thought of never marrying. He had never had much interest in women, anyways. But of course that was another issue entirely. 

 

     Regardless, Ed’s fortune, small though it was, was just large enough to make inviting him to these parties still mandatory. And it would be unspeakably rude for Edward to decline an invitation. Were it only his reputation on the line, Ed would be tempted to simply say,  _ to hell with it!  _ And never go out in society again. However, every busybody mother had a business-minded husband whom they could sway with their bad opinions of Ed, and he relied on men like that for continued funding to his scientific endeavors. A small price to pay, really. 

 

     Except for how entirely  _ awful _ Ed found parties to be. 

 

     There were a few upsides, however. Well, only one really came to mind. Ah, and how perfect- that he was entering the room just as the thought occurred to Edward! 

 

     Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot. Undoubtedly the most eligible bachelor of the ton, at least in the eyes of the eager parents looking to marry their daughters into wealth. Like  Edward, Oswald was entirely self-made in his fortune. However, unlike Ed, that fortune was quite substantial. Oswald had several well-known estates and ran a slew of businesses over town. There was some speculation as to the legalities of it all- namely, how someone could grow such a large fortune so fast using only strictly proper and ethical means, but that was hardly a concern when it came to marriage. Propriety was important, to be sure, but not  _ nearly  _ as important as money. And that, Oswald had in spades. 

 

     Curiously, though, Oswald had remained a bachelor. He wasn’t old, per say, but one would think such an eligible bachelor, one who could marry any young girl of his choosing, would have taken a wife by now. He was, after all, in his thirtieth year. The time to be concerned about finding an heir, to whom he could bestow his fortune, seemed to be dawning. But who was Ed to speculate over Cobblepot’s life? That was the job of the tons’ gossips, not a respectable man of logic and reason. 

 

     That didn’t stop his curiosity though… He was, after all, a scientist. Always curious to find reasons and answers to life’s most burning questions. And with no real evidence, Ed was left to ponder over mere rumor. And rumors surrounding Cobblepot were…  _ peculiar _ , to say the least. Apparently he had sent a few overtly willing young girls home broken hearted, and was known for having several extra male servants, with whom he seemed  _ very  _ close, in his employ who lacked proper job titles. That was all just words, though, and Ed knew how damning and hurtful and  _ untrue  _ such words could be. So he tried to not listen very carefully to the tons’ ideas of why Mr. Cobblepot remained unmarried, even though his ears burned with his desire to hear any tidbit of information he could garber concerning Oswald. As far as Ed was concerned, Oswald was a respectable man who was not married. Simple as that. 

 

      It seemed not all young women listened to the rumours, either, based on what Ed was currently witnessing. Lady Sofia Falcone- a woman born into her title and her fortune- seemed to be very obviously vying for Cobblepot’s attention. 

 

     Ed respected Lady Falcone quite a great deal. She was a woman who could have easily spent her life doing nothing but shopping, attending parties, and searching for the perfect husband. She had a title, a fortune, and no family to hold her back. Both her elder brother and father had died tragically and suddenly- under rather suspicious circumstances- last year, and since then Sofia had taken over running the estates and properties her family owned across the country. There were several men in the family’s employ who seemed much more qualified, and entirely prepared, to take over the job of managing the estates; but Sofia refused their help. She even fired most of them after realizing they’d been skimming money from her family for years. Lady Falcone was not a woman to be messed with, that much was certain. 

 

     Why, then, would she be so eagerly attempting to align herself with the bachelor owning the deepest pockets at the party? Most would probably assume her to be just another greedy young heir searching to expand her already massive wealth- but Ed knew better. There was something else, something more calculating in the way she was watching Oswald, like a shark in open waters. Unfortunately for her, however, the attention was decidedly not returned. 

 

     Oswald had something of a notorious reputation for showing up at these parties only to ignore half the guests in favor of hiding in the darkest corners and drinking at least a bottle of wine alone. Edward wasn’t sure what point his attendance served- he had to know how horribly misleading to the ton it was to be such a sought after potential husband who refused so much as one dance with any single woman attending. Maybe that was exactly why Oswald did it all, showing up to remain respectable yet refusing to actually participate in the events. It was a spectacular declaration, really. A total mockery and disruption of the norm, just as bold and as brazen as Cobblepot was said to be in matters of business. Ed wished he could be so unapologetically uncaring, but, sadly, he would never be anything like Mr. Cobblepot, it seemed. 

 

     Just then, Oswald’s eyes flicked up, and for a brief moment from across the room; his gaze locked with Edward’s. Ridiculously, Ed wondered if somehow the man was reading his thoughts. His gaze seemed all too knowing and intrusive, it was enough to make Edward feel off kilter. He had to avert his gaze, it was too penetrating and accusatory, and instantly he felt the need to run off to some hidden garden or balcony like the coward he was. But he refrained- if only just- from doing so. It would look like he was running away. But from what? And why? 

 

     Before he even realized or could do anything to stop it, Ed felt a dizzy spell coming on, and with only enough time to let out an embarrassing little whimper; he collapsed to the floor. 

 

————————————————-

 

     “Mr. Nygma? Are you alright?!” Ed came to looking into an unfamiliar face. Confusion hit him first, then all at once he remembered. The party, Oswald, and the catalyst for his demise; the stuffy heat of being in a large, terribly ventilated room with too many hot-under-the-collar youths coming out in the season at the very beginning of the summer. It was the perfect recipe for a fall- both literally to the floor and most likely also in the respect of those who witnessed it. 

 

      Ed nodded, slowly as if moving through molasses, before attempting to stand. 

 

     “Wait, sir, don’t stand quite so soon you might-“ But Ed shrugged the stranger off. It was embarrassing enough that he had fainted, the last thing he needed was extra attention. Luckily, it seemed the party was still in full swing, and barely anyone had noticed the ever-quiet wallflower collapsing to the floor. 

 

     Ed’s luck seemed to run its course there, however, as one very important person took notice of his fall. 

 

     “Good god, are you alright? Let’s get you to one of the balconies, this room is  _ disgustingly  _ hot and bothered.” 

 

     Oswald, in whatever time had lapsed between his falling and awakening, had crossed the room and was now escorting him away from the main dance hall. It was all happening so fast, and Edward was still slightly disoriented, so his first instinct was to resist the brisk pace which Oswald was pulling him towards the exit at. 

 

     Oswald stopped, in a huff, and turned to him, “Please, sir, do not embarrass me by forcing me actually drag you out of here once you’ve inevitably collapsed again.” 

 

     Ed was shocked, and confused at how agitated Oswald seemed, so he quietly followed Cobblepot out of one of the many side doors to a little balcony that overlooked the sprawling gardens of this particular estate. Ed couldn’t remember for the life of him whose house he was at, but he desperately wanted to know (if only to compliment their taste in landscaping). Once there, Ed felt finally able to breathe again. Oswald was right, he had desperately needed to leave the entirely too stifling ballroom and hadn’t even realize it until just then. But the sun was setting gorgeously on the horizon and Edward felt his temperature go down with each gulp of fresh air he took. 

 

     “Thank you for bringing me out here, Mr. Cobblepot. It seems I was in much more need of some fresh air than I’d realized.”

 

    “Ah, so you know my name, but now I am the one at a loss- I don’t believe we’ve actually met before, have we?” Ed tried desperately to hide his blush, but to no avail. Oswald was right, of course. The pair had never been introduced and Ed had no good reason for knowing as much about Cobblepot as he did. 

 

     “I- well, no, sir, we haven’t but-“ he was struggling to come up with some excuse for his slip up, and decided to go with the first idea that struck him, “but, you see, I know  _ of  _ you and should perhaps offer you thanks. Some of your generous donations were given to assist my current research on local medical practices in relation to sanitation issues.” It wasn’t a lie, per say. Ed was honestly researching the subject, and with how often Oswald donated to the arts and sciences to keep up appearances- he very well could have provided some of the funding Ed had received. However, if he had, Edward hadn’t heard of it. And Ed knew all of his benefactors, even the most uninvolved. He was mostly relying on Oswald’s lack of interest in his charity cases to sell the ruse, which was a bold risk to take, but-

 

     “Ah. Yes, well, it’s my pleasure. I’m always glad to assist bright youths like yourself in the innovations of tomorrow.” Ed breathed a silent sigh of relief that his assumption had been correct, and vowed he would no longer let himself make such careless little mistakes giving away information he wasn’t supposed to have in the first place. “Anyways, you should endeavor not to be so careless in the future, sir. It would be quite the waste of my investment, would it not?” And that… was unexpectedly cruel, conveyed through some mean little humor and a sour smile.

 

     “Well, I’m sorry that it seems my completely unplanned fainting spell has offended you, Mr. Cobblepot” Ed was not sure where his surprising boldness was coming from. Perhaps it was seasons of watching Oswald waltz around getting all of the attention and praise for being a ‘self-made’ man, a title that, when given to Edward, was said with malice. 

 

     “Fainting spell? Really? Please, sir, contain your dramatics- just call it what it was: admit you’d maybe had a drink too many, and say that you rightfully fell in a fit of clumsy rather than-“ 

 

     “Are you accusing me of being a drunk, sir?!”  _ that _ was unforgivable! Now Edward could see, while mere moments ago he was in awe over this man he had respected from afar, he could finally see him for the haughty bastard he truly was.

 

     “I am merely pointing out that you seemed quite flushed and are even now acting in a rather embarrassingly dramatic fashion. Clear signs of intoxication, _sir_.” Oswald was unflinchingly determined in his stance and words, and it irked Edward  _ incredibly.  _

 

     “ _ Embarrassing? _ Well, I am so sorry that I have embarrassed you, surely that was not my intention when you dragged me out here,  _ against my own will-“ _

 

_      “ _ I was  _ attempting  _ to preserve your reputation with some decorum, sir!” And away melted the apathetic judgment of before, now Cobblepot stood before him on  _ fire.  _ He seemed to be oozing rage and ready, at any moment, to attack. Ed was not proud of the amount of real fear this new Oswald was able to strike in his heart. “Although why I would ever do that is beyond me, seeing as you clearly have no  _ actual  _ name for yourself to speak of!”

 

     It was more hurtful than Edward cared to admit, having his character and title so thoroughly dismantled. Which wasn’t much of an excuse, but was at least how he rationalized saying what he said next:

 

     “Well, I would much rather be never spoken of at all than only ever discussed, behind my back, in relation to immorality and hedonism like you _!” _

 

     There was a terrifying moment of utter silence. Ed was certain, had the party not been through a short corridor and set of doors, that anyone around them would have heard his remark and instantly silenced. The world seemed to stop spinning, unsure of where to move next. Ed was wrong in thinking that pure rage was Oswald’s most fearsome form, this silence and calm was worse in every way imaginable. 

 

     “Perhaps, my _good_ ,” and the way he colored that word fully allowed Edward to know he meant quite the opposite of ‘good’, “man, you will do me the honor of knowing your name, then? In order to fully repay your  _ kindness,”  _ seethed out from between clenched teeth, “by speaking your name loudly and often in regards to my true thoughts on you.”

 

     “Edward Nygma.” Ed didn’t know why he said it, he knew Cobblepot was just making a point, furthering the argument. From the look he gave Ed, Oswald seemed surprised Ed had given him his name as well. He had handed Oswald everything he would need to ruin him without any exertion on his part. 

 

     “Well,” Oswald recovered from this unexpected answer quickly, “Mr. Nygma, then I look forward to  _ never  _ funding your bumbling, moronic work again.”

 

     Edward couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled from him at the reminder of his earlier lie.  _ He thinks he owns me, hah! How wrong he is- and he doesn’t even know it.  _ “Good, Mr. Cobblepot. I look forward to it as well!”

 

     It was unspeakably intoxicating, the power Ed felt at watching Oswald confusedly try to process Ed’s, in the context Oswald held, baffling behavior. With no way to achieve the upper hand again, Oswald left in a flurry of anger. Edward smiled as he walked away; it seemed he’d finally found one thing to hate more than silly little parties. 

 

     Edward Nygma  _ loathed  _ Oswald Cobblepot. 


	2. An unexpected alliance

     In hindsight, Edward may have underestimated Oswald’s political sway. For the first few days after that first party of the season, (Ed had finally figured out the owner of the estate; a one Lady Ivy Pepper. No wonder Edward had admired her grounds so- plants were her specialty, after all.) all was calm. And then it began:

 

     First, a note from one of his more prominent backers, Master Wayne, informing Edward that his money would be moving elsewhere. Then, Ed had heard from the doctor with whom he’d been studying; Dr. Leslie Thompkins. She was apologetic, but had to end their study. Edward understood, for _some_ reason his work had become the subject of gossip, and being a female doctor was hard enough for her. Leslie hardly needed the added pressure of defending Ed, surely her practice would not survive it. Ed could not bear the thought of himself being the cause of her ruination- so, though he was agitated, he agreed with her judgement and decided to postpone his work.

 

     All of that, a complete hit to the entirety of his career, would’ve been enough to incite Edward’s wrath. But then, one day as he was enjoying a pleasant stroll alone through town, he heard it:

 

     “So _that’s_ the mad scientist bloke. The one what experiments on the dead. Funny, he seems almost sane from here.”

 

     Ed turned, but couldn’t place where the voice was coming from. Then there was laughter, and more whispers and giggles, and all of the sudden he was spiraling. Pitifully, he heard himself scream. He knew, realistically, it had only been one murmured comment and some rude giggles, but in his head it had turned into outright jeering and bawdy laughter. He was panicking, and acting like a fool, but he couldn’t stop himself.

 

     An arm reached out and grabbed him, seemingly from the abyss, and pulled him away from the main streets to a more hidden back alley. Ed distantly noticed he was being dragged away from the light into a questionable street, but before he grew too worried he also realized he was being dragged by practically a child. The girl clutching his arm could be no older than one and twenty, but was more probably closer to her teenage years. It was hard to tell judging solely on what Ed could see of her, namely; the back of her head. Once they were far enough away from the scene he’d begun to make, she released him.

 

     Edward wanted to thank her. Well, no, he wanted to ask her why she’d done that, but before he could she was gone.

 

     Twice in the span of a month now Edward had to be rushed away from embarrassment like a damsel in distress. He was going to have to leave to control himself better, lest he get a reputation. Well, _another_  reputation really. Cobblepot had already seen to it that he was deemed the mad scientist of Gotham proper. 

 

     Once home, he calmed himself with some tea and the thought that, _so what if they all think me mad?! They probably assumed as much in the first place, he’s just given them the power to say their thoughts aloud._ And oddly, it made him feel better. More free, even; as now, who could stop him from working on his _truly_ curious studies? For years he’d wanted to pursue more meaningful research than simple medicinal matters- and now! Well, he was mad! Anyone who should choose to work with him would be expecting as much, and though there was no one at the moment, Edward knew his curious mind wasn’t alone in wanting answers to darker pursuits. If that meant waiting for more, well, _mad_ backers- Edward would make do. He wasn’t in the poor house yet, after all.

 

     Really, he ought to be _thanking_ Oswald.

 

—————————————————-

     Another unforeseen benefit to Oswald’s rumor was a distinct lack of invitations to further events for the season. Apparently Edward himself was gauche enough to excuse the rudeness of not inviting him. That, above all else, made Ed unspeakably grateful for his newfound ‘mad’ reputation. Alas, though, not _everyone_ scared so easily. Ed found himself invited to a gala at the Kean estate, just one short week after his near-meltdown in the town square. Kean assuredly knew that hosting an event which allowed Edward to be invited would cause drama and gossip in spades. Seeing as those appeared to be Lady Barbara’s life blood, Ed knew that was the only reason she had made a point to _personally_ hand deliver his invitation. It was clear she wanted not a visit, but rather to assure his attendance. After all, Lady Kean found Edward just as unsettling as the rest of the ton, and had for far longer than most of them. She _wanted_ a scene, nothing made this more clear than the fact that Edward knew for certain Barbara’s closest friend would no doubt be in attendance, and no doubt had told her all about his dislike of Edward. _Oswald really does have terrible taste in friends,_ Ed mused, _if she is inviting me with the express purpose of ruffling his feathers._

 

     Well, Ed refused to give her the satisfaction. He would rise above, refuse to have another degrading scuffle with the infamous Mister Cobblepot. Ed was a man of logic and reason, not driven by his base emotions like Oswald. This time Edward would be ready to be calm and indifferent, to show Oswald that he truly was the better man.

 

     Besides, Ed doubted any confrontation would even occur. Oswald had apparently been quite busy at the events of the season Ed had missed, if rumor was to be trusted. While he’d feigned a total disinterest in all young ladies at that first party, recent events showed that maybe one lady had indeed caught his notoriously apathetic eye. Oswald Cobblepot and Sofia Falcone were the talk of the ton. At every ball he shared dances only with her, picnics he spent entirely by her side, and once or twice the pair had been seen taking strolls through the park together entirely separate from the rest of Gotham’s eligible elite. All of the gossip surrounding the couple now seemed to suggest Oswald was going to propose, and soon. It was only hearsay, but it seemed fairly reliable seeing as Lady Falcone was truly the only woman Oswald had ever devoted so much of his time to. The whole affair irked Ed, but he didn’t care to question why that might be.

 

     So, Ed would go to the gala, Lady Kean would be robbed of her excitement, and Oswald would spend the night openly doting on Sofia Falcone. Ed could hardly wait.

 

     When the evening in question finally arrived, Ed felt his stomach sour as his carriage neared the Kean estate. He tried to convince himself it was merely something he ate, but in truth, his thoughts lingered on Oswald. Surely he was just sick at the thought of seeing the vengeful bastard in person again? It had nothing at all to do with any unease Ed might be feeling at seeing, not just hearing about, the great Cobblepot/Falcone romance.

     

     Edward decided his best approach for the night would be to spend it much in his usual fashion, off to the side away from any possible human interaction. Although it seemed, for the first time in Ed’s recollection, his usual corner (whichever was the least populated side of whatever grand ballroom he was in) was currently occupied. And by a very young, eligible lady no less! Ed only assumed she was eligible, though perhaps she was the younger sister or cousin of some bachelor present. There appeared to be no chaperone for the Miss present, or if there was one they were doing a terrible job. The girl was alone in a sea of men who could very easily do her harm, and that thought unnerved Ed. She barely looked old enough to be out this season, but her attendance made it obvious that she must be.

 

     Ed was almost ready to simply walk off, find another place to sulk- or, rather, observe his surroundings- when he had the startling realization that he _recognized_ the girl in his corner. It only hit him when she was no longer facing his direction, but the wall instead. He knew the back of her head immediately- it was the same one he’d seen dragging him away from the public in the square one week ago.

 

     “Excuse me, miss, but I believe I owe you thanks” Edward said, approaching the lady cautiously. He knew they were in public, so any question of impropriety would be moot, but still. Better to be safe than sorry, especially since there was no chaperone present to make introductions  or keep a watchful eye. Though Edward knew immediately they would have nothing to worry about. He was young himself, but the last thing he wanted was a child bride (or any bride, at present) and this girl clearly had yet to leave her teens.

 

     “I do apologize, but I believe-“ when she turned to face him, recognition followed quickly by a flash of disappointment overtook her face, “Oh. You. Yes, that sounds about right. Well, you’re welcome. Good bye.” Edward got the impression, in the few seconds it took her to say that and turn to leave, that this lady felt exactly the same as him about the possibility of the two of them coupling up. If possible, she seemed even _less_ interested than Edward was.

 

     “Miss, I’m sorry to keep you,” and Ed was shocked by the brazen glare she sent him when he did just that; in the form of stepping in front of her exit path, “but, please, allow me to thank you properly, even repay you somehow. At the very least surely you can give me the name of my unlikely savior?” Edward tried to seem approachable and friendly, flashing her what he hoped was a kind smile, but at the disgusted grimace he received in return he knew he’d missed his mark.

 

     “Lookit, sir, I’m sure you are-“ the girl looked Ed over quickly, failing to come up with something to compliment, “lovely company. But I’m afraid I’ve given you the wrong impression. I have no interest in marriage at the moment.”

 

     Ed barked a laugh before he realized how rude that might come across, and quickly shielded his mouth with his hand. “Please, now _you’ve_ mistaken _me;_ I have no…  _intentions_ towards you, not even remotely. I sincerely just wished to thank you. In a month of incredible cruelty you were the singular person to show me any kindness or dignity.” Ed watched as her eyes softened, only for the briefest moment, at that, “And now I will leave you to-“ Edward was again stricken curious by what, exactly, she was doing in this far corner. He looked down just quickly enough to catching her stuffing a few glimmering objects into some hidden pocket in the layers of her skirt. Ed wouldn’t think much of it, if it weren’t for the speed she took in concealing the treasure and the fear that colored her expression when Ed met her eyes once more.

 

     The girl was a pickpocket!

 

     Ed felt himself gaping like a fish on dry land, mouth flapping uselessly around words he hadn’t yet come up with. Here he stood, making pleasant conversation with a petty thief! Ethics would dictate he call out immediately; alert the staff and have this girl face the harsh justice of the law.

 

     But.

 

      But he owed her. Thus, he found himself in quite the moral quandary. Have this girl arrested and forever feel he spat in the face of the one simple and unselfish kindness he was ever shown, or allow her to go on and know he was responsible for aiding a criminal.

 

     The young lady jumped at Ed’s apparent indecision, “Need I remind you, sir, that it was I who saved you from spectacular embarrassment only a few days ago.” Her gaze was pointed, a clear threat, and even though Ed knew he still held the upper hand in getting her caught; something about that struck some small fear in him.

 

     “You are correct in that respect, Miss…?”

 

     “Kyle. Selina Kyle.” The girl, Selina, said through gritted teeth.

 

     “Yes, in that you are correct, Miss Kyle. However, I hardly think that one good deed should allow you total freedom in _stealing_ from these people.” Ed pointedly shifted the last part of that sentence into a whisper, still undecided in his course of action.

 

     “Well did you not come over here with the intention of thanking me? Of _repaying_ me? Here’s your chance. Mums the word and you can consider us square, Nygma.”

 

     It was completely unladylike, and in fact demeaningly rude, for any young girl to refer to a man without using his title, whatever it may be. Edward was ready to call her on it, as he was quite disturbed by her very apparent carelessness in the face of authority, but stopped himself. She had used his name.

 

     “You know me, then.” It was a question, but came out sounding more like a statement of fact. Clearly she knew him, she had used his surname. Miss Kyle knew him. Worse, actually, Ed could see it plain as day on her face: she pitied him.

 

     “Well, I do have ears. And half of these snobs I’ve lifted from tonight can’t seem to shut their mouths when it comes to you. If you ask me; people like these deserve _exactly_ what’s coming to them.” She scanned the room with disdain. And it filled Ed with some unfamiliar warmth. _Friendship,_ his mind helpfully supplied, _this girl is standing up for you, protecting you, in her_ _own way. That’s friendship._

 

      Ed didn’t know how he knew that, as he’d never had any real friends before. Business partners, maybe. Classmates, certainly. But all of those people didn’t actually  _like_ Ed, could barely even stand him for the brief time they were forced to work with him. In fact, Miss Kyle didn’t particularly seem to like him either! But she’d done something for him, without even knowing who he was. He wasn’t fooling himself- the robbery tonight had nothing to do with actually helping anyone but Selina and her own personal funds. But before, in town…

 

     “Perhaps… perhaps you are correct.” Selina smiled at him brightly, and Edward felt that warm rush of kinship fill his heart again, “But you have to stop now, with what you have already. If not for the sake of morality, do it so we don’t both get caught and thrown into jail together.”

 

     “Fine.” She grumbled, “probably wouldn’t  even work now, anyways. Look.” She nodded her head a bit to somewhere behind Ed’s right shoulder, indicating he look behind him, and surely enough he saw exactly what she was referring to.

 

     People were noticing them. Not everyone, and not in a gawking way, but every now and then a few heads would turn towards them and clearly whisper to each other about what they were seeing. It puzzled Ed, and clearly bothered Selina.

 

     “You don’t think-“

 

     And it was clear what she was asking, _Did someone hear you? Have they figured me out?_ And he did not think that, so he told her as much with a shake of his head. If they had been discovered, surely the masses would be acting with more immediacy and intent against the thieves. Still, though, it was odd.

 

     “They could, though. You should probably make yourself scarce, if possible.” Ed stated diplomatically. She looked at him like he was a moron, like disappearing unnoticed would be easier for her than breathing. And if her stealthy, sticky fingers were anything to go by, Ed assumed it might just be. There was also the incident last week which spoke to her skills in escaping tight spots quickly and without drawing unwanted attention. 

 

     “Alright then, I suppose I’ll see you again soon, Miss Kyle?” Ed tried not to sound hopeful, but already he was excited to have someone who didn’t currently hate him, at least not _too_ much, whom he could potentially even call a friend one day.

 

     “Maybe.” She said cryptically, and in the span of a blink she was gone. An exit just as mysterious as her appearance.

————————————————

     Without Miss Kyle as company, Ed realized there truly was nothing here for him. That feeling doubled the moment Oswald entered the room, Miss Falcone draped on his elbow like some flimsy little napkin. She was gorgeous, always, but Ed didn’t really have an eye for her. No, his eyes instantly went to Cobblepot.

 

     The man was, cliche as Ed knew it was to even _think_ it, dashing. Every detail of him spoke to a life of luxury. His suit was black, and _velvet_ of all things. His hair was up in a style that so defied gravity it amazed Ed, and he could swear when the light hit just right some streaks in it seemed to shine almost purple. His appearance was a statement, and that statement seemed to be, “I’m better than you.” Ed could hardly disagree with him.

 

     The pair just made sense. They were wealthy, attractive, and powerful. The only truly equal match for one another. Edward despised it. Love wasn’t supposed to be like that! Clearly their dynamic was one that had been planned, calculated. Real emotion, real passion, defied that kind of planning. _Well,_ Ed thought, _thank God I will never succumb to anything as demeaning as that, a match made for politics and nothing else._

 

     As the night progressed it became even more apparent just how _wrong_ the two were for each other. They looked at each other coldly; and though Sofia was better at hiding it, or possibly just more romantically invested than him, Oswald clearly lacked any real interest in the girl. Why had the ton become so obsessed with these two! It was clear to Ed they were doing all of this for show, so why had they been so sensationalized? _Romance of the year!_ Clearly, Gotham’s society only cared about the prospect of an incredibly expensive wedding. True love be damned!

 

     Just the thought of it, and the _sight_ of it, was making Edward sick. To hell with Barbara and her need for drama, Ed didn’t care if it made him the least liked man in all of Gotham- he was leaving immediately. He’d barely made it an hour in the same room as the happy couple and already he was disgusted. It was that damned Cobblepot! He had ruined Edward’s reputation and here he was- more beloved than ever with his blushing bride-to-be. It had Edward’s blood boiling, he was practically seeing green. No, red. Red. He was _angry,_ damnit! He hated the man, hated this night, hated everything!

 

     But try as he might, Edward couldn’t quite hold the same fury in heart as he left. The carriage ride home was quiet, too quite for a mind as unsettled as Ed’s. A strange hollowness had settled in him that left him feeling desperately, and horribly alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So bear with me: it’s her first season; making Selina 18. I know it’s yucky but in this time period dudes waaay older than Ed would marry girls way younger than Selina. Plus they’re CLEARLY not an actual pairing. I’m sorry.  
> Sofia is about Ed’s age so don’t worry there.  
> Also; who thinks I should tag this falcobblepot just to heterobait? Cause you all KNOW shits abt to turn around real quick. Just lemme explore some non-nygmobs dynamics a little first, ok?


	3. A picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey come follow my twitter and watch me yell about these homos ! @gaydiscovampire

     It did not take long for Edward to discover why the ton had taken a special interest in Ed and Selina that night. It turned out, they all had assumed them to be _attracted_ to one another. The thought made Edward laugh. It did not take long after the rumors of the pair's attachment surfaced for Selina to pay Edward a visit telling him exactly how she felt about the matter.

 

     “It’s _repulsive_ , Ed! I mean, you’re _ancient_ , I’m only in my first season! And only begrudgingly, mind you.”

 

   Edward had to agree, it was disturbing. But Selina’s displeasure only made the situation more humorous to him. He truly could not stop himself from laughing out loud at her tantrum.

 

     “Nygma, please. This is serious. I don’t want anyone thinking I actually _like_ you. That’s absurd.” Even that couldn’t dampen the comedy of the situation, as Ed knew Selina was mostly being dramatic. Obviously the assumption of the two being enamored was ludicrous, they both knew that. But, try as she might to deny it, Ed had the creeping suspicion that Selina _did,_ in fact, like him. To some extent, at least. It was purely platonic, obviously, but somehow Edward knew that her mocking was only her way of showing affection. That she saw him as a friend.

 

   “Alright, certainly I can see why you wouldn’t want that,” and her slight chuckle confirmed Ed’s suspicion. They were joking with each other, this was _banter. How exciting,_ Ed privately thought, _to be on the inside of a joke rather than just the butt of it._ “But elaborate for me; what about all of this is really so horrible?”

   

     Selina looked at him in a manner that telegraphed just how much of an utter moron she found him to be. Her following sigh was long suffering; the pain of a woman forced to endure the utter stupidity of men. “Edward, I could sit here listing the reasons why this mess is so foul for years and only just barely would I have scratched the surface of the problem. Surely you did not just ask me for an itemized list of exactly why the two of us should never couple?”

 

     “Oh, heavens, no- I couldn’t agree more. The idea of actually courting you makes me ill.” and even though she’d just gone on in detail in a similar and even harsher manner, Selina still shot him an agitated glare for that remark. “But that’s not what I was referring to. I’m speaking of the ton seeing us as a couple.”

 

     For once, Ed had stupefied her. “Huh?”

 

     “Miss Kyle, I believe you’re overlooking the _potential_ this rumor has. One conversation at the Kean gala and all of Gotham’s eligible elite have dubbed us an item.” Selina made a bit of a ‘go on’ gesture with her hand, telling Edward his meaning still had not yet hit her. “Selina, they see us as already taken. As in; no one else would bother us for the rest of the season so long as they think us to be genuine in our interest.”

 

     Finally, understanding dawned on her, “ _Ohhhh_. You mean to say we should play into their stupid ideas in order to keep other possible suitors at bay.” She seemed to consider the idea briefly before nodding, “I can’t say I hate the idea. Certainly saves me some trouble in chasing off all of the lovesick blokes I’ve come across so far. But what about this would be beneficial for you, Nygma?” Her gaze was intensely scrutinizing, and, truly, she did have a point.

 

     He should be wanting to find a wife, should he not? He was still young, and though he’d become something of an unfortunately notorious figure, he still had a career he was trying to cling to. He was in his prime, really- the best chance he had  at finding a wife was now.

 

     And yet…

 

     He didn’t particularly want one, at present. In fact, the only thing occupying his mind recently had been finding a way to get back at Cobblepot. And though this facade with Selina was not exactly a revenge plot, it would at the very least show Oswald that he had not _totally_ ruined Ed. Yes, his work was suffering. But nothing Oswald did not ruin Edward’s romantic affairs. At least, that’s what this ruse would show Cobblepot, regardless of how true the sentiment may actually be. From there he could figure out his next step in enacting his revenge from a place of slightly more even footing. It was not an attack, but a parry. For now at least, it was all Edward had been able to come up with.

 

     “I get a more sturdy footing in a battle of wits I’m currently locked in. Wives- that’s a matter for some other season. For now I have a war to win.”

 

     Selina’s eyes narrowed, clearly suspicious of Ed’s motives. “What ‘battle of wits’? Ed, does this have something to do with why half of Gotham seems to think you to be some sort of Victor Frankenstein?”

 

     Ed paused, unsure what information, if any, he should be giving Selina about the contention between himself and Cobblepot. But, he’d never had a friend with whom to share secrets like this before now...And Miss Kyle barely had a name for herself, Ed could hardly see the harm in her knowing the details of a feud he shared with someone she held no connection to.

 

     “It does. Miss Kyle- Selina, what I’m going to tell you I want to be kept a secret between just the two of us, do you understand?”

 

     “Yes, yes, fine! Now, out with it, Nygma.” she exclaimed, nodding her head vigorously.

 

     “Well. At the first ball of the season I had something of an... _altercation_ with a one mister Oswald Cobblepot.” Ed hated that he could not help the child-like excitement that colored his tone.

 

     “Oswald?! Surely you did not _actually_ fight him, Ed! You would not have lived to tell the tale!”

 

     “Well, not- it was more of a verbal sparring, really, but- wait. Do you...You referred to him by his christian name just now. Selina, you don’t _know_ him, do you?!”

 

     “Well of course I do, idiot! He’s been practically an uncle to me since I arrived, what with my aunt being his closest friend and all.”

 

     “You- but- that would mean-” Ed’s thoughts were racing so fast he could hardly catch any of them to form into words, “that would make you Lady Kean’s niece?!”

 

     Selina rolled her eyes as if this were the most obvious and apparent fact in the universe. Maybe it was, and Ed truly was dense for not knowing it. “Yes, _obviously._ Who else would b my chaperone through my first season? I am a lady after all, Ed. What- did you think me to be entirely unconnected and yet somehow a part of high society?” Selina’s smirk told Edward she knew that was, in fact, exactly what he had incorrectly assumed.

 

     “But at the gala-”

 

     “You mean _her_ gala? The one she was preoccupied _hosting_?”

 

     “But to leave her young niece alone, entirely unattended, and during her first season no less!”

 

     At that, Selina bristled. “What do you think me to be, Nygma? Some frail, delicate thing in need of a guardian? I can take care of myself. Need I remind you who, of the two of us, has needed the other to come to their rescue?” She was right. Every interaction he’d had with the girl thus far had proven her to be just as cunning, dexterous, and capable as any young man. And young men never required chaperones, not even in their first seasons. Why, then, should Miss Kyle need one? “Even if you can’t see me as someone capable of looking after myself, Aunt Barbara can and does. She knows I have no need of anyone- man or otherwise- to care for me. Besides, it’s not as though she wasn’t _there._ ”

 

     Selina had a point. In fact, she had made several. Edward was being a ridiculous oaf, assuming her in need of a chaperone. “But- Kean and Kyle?”

 

     “Yes, well, she is not my aunt by blood, but by marriage. That is until my rich, old uncle went and got himself killed, or something.” Clearly that was a loss Selina had not grieved, though it made Ed secretly wonder just what had been the cause of her Uncle’s death. The very one which left Barbara with a sizable fortune and title all to herself. Though, he figured it would probably be best not to interrupt Selina with his stupidity again. “After he was out of the picture, Aunt Barbara decided she missed her maiden name, so she became a Kean again. But she has been my closest relative regardless, so the moment I found myself at an age to move I immediately went to her.”

 

     “And your parents? Did they not care?”

 

     “They care about nothing but themselves.” The bitterness in her voice struck a chord with Edward. Uncaring parents was a topic he, too, was all too intimately familiar with. Part of him wanted to say as much, share their misery and be comforted by the company it might bring. But just the slightest mention of her parents had Selina shutting herself off completely, so Ed figured his fantasy of a sharing and caring moment seemed fairly idealistic.

 

     So, instead, he settled for a mere, “I’m sorry for that.” She seemed slightly comforted, if totally uncomfortable with the shift in mood. Ed figured the best way to make her feel better was to switch topic. Which had the added benefit of allowing him to further question what, exactly, her connection to Oswald might mean in all of this. “So he is an uncle to you, then? Well, that rather complicates things, doesn’t it?”

 

     “It might. That depends, what did you fight with Oswald about?” Something about her phrasing, her tone, alerted Ed to the fact that his answer would decide whose side in this duel she would be taking.

     

     “Well, it’s hard to say, really. He accused me of being a drunk, because I required him to save me after I fainted. A deed which I never actually asked him to do- and, in fact, rather protested! And, truly, I only fell due to the heat. Well. Mostly. I was also somewhat- intimidated, I suppose, by Mister Cobblepot’s surprisingly piercing gaze. It’s really rather hard to look away from, isn’t it? Then there was the matter of him insulting my name- or, lack of name, er, title I think? Of course that lead to me mentioning that at the very least my lack of name allowed less gossip to be spread about me, unlike him. Then he spread that blasted rumor! And, of course, his entire charade since then of parading around Lady Falcone at every opportunity he gets- does it not seem a bit much to you as well? How _showy_ they just so happen to be? How he mocks me, openly, in that his ruination of my name has destroyed any potential for romantic paramours of my own! He just _has_ to display that he has no trouble with women as I now have, thanks to him.” Ed ended it all with a huff, slumping fully into his settee, quite tired from his convoluted tirade.

 

     Selina looked mildly amused, and mildly confused. Ed could understand why, his explanation was certainly long-winded and he could admit he’d lost his way somewhere in there. When someone enflamed you as much as Cobblepot did him, Ed figured clarity was easily forgotten.

 

     “Let me get this correct; you fainted at his glance, started a fight with him, and have not been able to stop thinking about him? Especially in relation to his newfound closeness with Lady Falcone?” Selina was smiling now, far too large and knowingly for Edward’s taste.

 

     “Stop it. It’s not- that’s not-”

 

     “Enlighten me then, Nygma. What exactly _is_ it?”

 

     “It’s- it- I- I hate him!” Ed managed to sputter, but even to his own ears it sounded far too pleading to be sincere.

 

     “Sure you do.” Selina drolled, rolling her eyes.

 

     “I’m not... _like_ that, Selina!” Ed couldn’t keep the small tremor out of his voice, and though initially she seemed enraged by his remark, his fear seemed to give her pause.

 

     “You know- it would be alright, right, Ed? If it so happened that you were…. _like that_?”

 

     A silence fell, in which Edward felt entirely uncertain and alien in the face of Selina’s calm acceptance and reassurance. For her part, Miss Kyle seemed to be waiting patiently for some form of response from Ed.

 

     “Well, fine then. You hate him.” Ed felt a rush of relief, the tension of her earlier statements leaving him in one heavy sigh. It was a small blessing that she chose to drop the subject so swiftly, but then he supposed he had just done the same for Selina on the topic of her parents. Compromise. Good friendships required compromise.

 

     “Yes. And clearly he despises me, if his little rumor is any indication. I only hoped that our... _arrangement_ might unsettle him. Show him that his reach hadn’t destroyed _every_ aspect of my life, but now that I know-” it hit Ed suddenly exactly what this new revelation could mean for him. Not a parry, no, but rather a prise de fer, an envelopment. "you’re like family ! Can you _imagine_ how infuriating it would be to him? The idea that I might be invading his life, might be fraternizing with one of his closest relations?” Ed knew he was grinning like a madman now, but he couldn’t hope to stop. Fate had dropped the greatest possible counter-strike in his lap, he would be a fool not to use it.

 

     “No! Nygma, surely you must be suicidal to go through with this! That is a level of idiocy even _you_ seem above!”

 

     “Selina, surely word has already gotten to him, this plot has been in motion since before you or I even formulated it. Now, we can embarrass ourselves with announcing that we are not, in fact, involved; thus giving the ton the impression that we are either liars or too pathetic for even one another. Or we can choose to embrace this as the perfect cuff to Oswald’s personal life that it is! Me, his worst enemy, an addition to his incredibly small social circle. Oh, it’s truly even _more_ delicious than any plan I could’ve ever devised myself!”

 

     “Well, that’s a shame, because you’re going to have to scheme something else up. I won’t do it.”

 

     Ah. The one thing Ed hadn’t accounted for- Selina’s resistance. “But… you said it yourself! This plan would aid you greatly in fending off pesky bachelors! I’m not the only one to benefit here!” He was desperate and pleading, but Ed didn’t care. He couldn’t- wouldn’t- lose this opportunity to best Cobblepot.

 

     “Yes, but not at his expense! I care about Oswald, and want nothing to do with this moronic feud between the two of you anyways.”

 

     “So that’s it, then? You won’t help me in this one act, which we both know is only really going to mildly irritate him at best.” Ed knew that was likely an understatement, or he hoped it was one, but was thankful Selina did not call him on it, “This is my only possible opposition to him! Need I remind you what he has done to me, Selina? He toppled my career completely, undid months of research and years of working to achieve an even somewhat respectable reputation, over a petty _squabble!_ ” As he spoke, Edward again remembered just how truly furious he was with the man. And here sat his only ally, choosing Oswald over him. It only figured that Edward would be left utterly hopeless and alone once again.

 

     Selina seemed in no way cowed by his outburst; instead she appeared calm and much more rational than Ed was currently acting, taking a moment to consider before responding.

 

     “Alright, Nygma. I see your point, and am willing to temporarily go along with all of this-” Ed smiled, _finally_ things were looking quite bright for him! Surely their ploy would agitate Cobblepot and- “under one condition: I reserve the right to end this game at any point if I so choose; no reason required.”

 

     “Yes, of course, agreed. Selina! You have no _idea_ how happy you’ve just made me! Truly, I am forever in your debt.” In his excitement, Edward could not help but to spring to his feet and envelop Miss Kyle in a bit of a bear hug. She stiffened in his grasp, awkwardly patting his back twice before shoving him away from her person.

 

     “Alright, alright, enough of that- save it for the public.” She said, sending him a saucy wink. The moment only lasted for a breath, however, before she began faux-gagging as though she were about to vomit.

 

     “I suppose that’s something we’ll have to work on at a later date, hm?” Ed concluded, bemusedly. Selina managed a simple nod before making her goodbyes and leaving him. Upon her departure, Ed was once again hit with excitement over the whole strategy. Yes, it was unpleasant even pretending to see Miss Kyle in that light, but Ed had always appreciated the stage. He would just have to choose to see this as an opportunity to test his completely untrained theatrical abilities. It was going to be worth it just to witness the look on Oswald’s face.

 

     So Ed concluded _that_ must’ve been the reason he’d dreamed of nothing but Cobblepot that night. It was mere excitement over his revenge, nothing more.

 

     (and yet, that infuriating voice in the furthest corner of the depths of his mind insisted: _perhaps Selina’s accusations had not been entirely wrong, after all_.)

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     In a surprising turn of events, the perfect opportunity to showcase their ruse presented itself to Edward in the form of a neat little invitation. Ed was suspicious, naturally. It was from Lady Barbara, marking it as the second invitation she had sent him in one season (double the amount of times she’d ever requested his presence at any events in seasons prior to this one). Even more intriguing was the event itself; a picnic. And from what Edward could gather, an intimate one at that. No one else had spoken of it, shops were not bustling with crowds of young ladies searching for just the right linen frocks suitable for an outdoors event in the scorching heat of Gotham’s midsummer, and no lads were seen in the parks openly practicing their skills with a cricket bat. Regardless, this would be his best chance to display a faux attraction to Miss Kyle in a manner publicly enough that word would get back to Oswald.

 

     Ed grew somewhat more concerned when he was informed by Selina that, try as she might, she could not obtain any hint as to who might have also been on Barbara’s guest list for the picnic. But, ever the loyal friend, she was true to her word and told him she was ready to try her best to feign some romantic interest in him when the day came.

 

     Edward was all nerves upon arriving to the Kean estate. In the light of day, it was easier to see how truly _massive_ Lady Kean’s abode was. Any onlooker could easily confuse the woman for being some sort of royalty, and again Ed wondered at Selina’s mysterious lineage. Upon arrival, a footman lead him swiftly to the back gardens where he found a small crowd composed mostly of the people he least wanted to be spending the afternoon with. Sofia Falcone sat elegantly on a wooden bench, animatedly regaling some fanciful tale to the others present. Beside her sat Selina, looking quite bored out of her wits. And there, standing just beside Lady Falcone, stood an agitated Mr. Oswald Cobblepot. His brow was firmly set downwards, frown lines wrinkling his otherwise flawless complexion. _Naturally, he’s already displeased. What, did he_ sense _my presence approaching?_

 

     “Mr. Nygma!” Selina rushed over to greet him, coming close enough to hurriedly whisper, “Let’s hope someone, _anyone_ , else arrives soon or this day is going to get ugly fast.”

 

     Ed nodded in agreement, sensing immediately that their private conversation was erring on the side of impolite, or worse, inappropriate. Ushering them both back towards the other couple did nothing to assuage the tension already palpable between himself and Cobblepot, though. One glance at an incredibly uncomfortable Selina confirmed his suspicion that the hostility he and Oswald held was obvious to more than just the two of them. Sofia, however, seemed almost unnaturally oblivious to it all.

 

     “Oh, hello!” She sprang up to curtsy, a gesture that struck Edward as incredibly out of place seeing as she was the only person present with a title befitting of such a significant greeting. “I don’t believe the two of to have ever been acquainted before now, is that correct?” Something in her cadence, the sweetness of it, was very off-putting. It did not fit at all with the clever, powerful woman Ed had privately assumed her to be. Either she truly _was_ just some innocent, naive girl who’s family had been struck with tragedy that left her in a position of great power; or she was _much_ more cunning than Ed had ever anticipated. Most troubling of all- Edward truly could not tell whether this doe-ish routine was a bluff or not.

 

     “Yes, you’re correct. My name is Edward. Edward Nygma.” his name had barely left his lips when a scoff came from just behind Lady Falcone.

 

 _The audacity!_ Ed had to physically restrain himself from responding to Cobblepot's total lack of decorum. Sofia, however, acted as though the interruption had never occurred.

 

     “Yes, I think I’ve heard your name...somewhere.” She smiled so prettily, Ed almost didn’t notice the thinly veiled judgement in her tone. “A pleasure, regardless.”

 

     “Ah, but you haven’t introduced yourself, _dearest_.” Edward couldn’t stop the sour pang that struck him at hearing Oswald’s endearment for the woman. “Allow me the honor. This, Edward, is Lady Sofia Falcone, but I’m sure her reputation precedes her. As yours does you.” Oswald came to stand directly beside her, and the pleasant tone he adopted was completely at odds with the glare he shot him as he delivered that direct insult to Edward’s character.

 

_Well, then. If that’s how he wants it- let the games begin._

 

     “Hm. Yes, well, I would _love_ to hear more about...that, really, but I fear we have left Miss Kyle out of these pleasantries.” Ed moved easily past the pair to dramatically take a knee before Selina, grasping one of her hands to place a kiss on her gloved knuckles. “Please, forgive me for my inexcusable rudeness, darling.” He knew he was being excessive- he was lucky that his current placement obstructed Selina’s face from the view of the others- as his theatrics had left Miss Kyle fuming. He pleaded silently with her to go along with it and, by some immaculate intervention, she calmed enough to reply.   

 

     “Think nothing of it, _love.”_ the pet name came out sharply, more an insult than anything, but that hardly seemed to matter as Oswald’s reaction was huge and instantaneous.

 

     “Oh, _really!_ You cannot be serious, Selina!” He sounded both exasperatedly disgusted and bitterly rageful. Ed couldn’t stop the satisfied smirk that overtook his face when he turned and stood to face the man once again.

 

     “Oh but you don’t mean to tell me- well, surely you can’t mean that Selina,” and the use of her christian name won him a barely detectable flinch from Oswald, “hasn’t informed you of our attachment. You are, after all, practically family.” Ed feared the smugness was, possibly, a bit much. This was confirmed when Cobblepot made to lunge at him, being only just barely held back by Sofia’s hasty grasping of one of his wrists.

 

     “Oh you-”

 

     Before Oswald could finish what was sure to be a very colorful insult, the loud and authoritative voice of Lady Kean interrupted him.

 

     “Well! I see you’ve all decided to begin the fun without me!” A nervous chuckle escaped all of the women, but Oswald’s gaze remained hateful and fixed solely upon Edward.

 

     “So sorry, Barbara! But, yes, all the introductions have been made.” The way Lady Falcone put it almost sounded as though they were all pleasantly chatting about the weather, rather than the obviously violent tableaux Lady Kean could clearly see she’d walked in on.

 

     “Yes, well, I’m glad to see we’re all playing nice,” She directed this only to Oswald, who begrudgingly deflated at her pointed remark. “This is, after all, the party in its entirety.”

 

     “What?! Aunt Barbara, you cannot be serious!” Selina all but shrieked.

 

     “Oh, I apologize, Miss Kyle,” and even Edward had to flinch at the coldness Barbara displayed in addressing her own kin by title, “does this displease you? You, of all people, should be thrilled! Who else could you possibly want to attend- you have your family,” Barbara nodded towards Oswald and herself, “their loved ones,” A nod to Lady Falcone that left Ed feeling sick, “and, last but certainly not least, your secret suitor.” At that, her gaze fell expectantly on Edward. In a moment the whole party’s attention fell to him, and with no clue how else to react, Ed merely shot Barbara a pathetic and nervous little wave.

 

     Clearly that response was unsatisfactory, if Lady Kean’s grimace was anything to go by. But, since she was apparently destined to forever be Edward’s knight in shining armor, Selina came to his rescue yet again.

 

     “Fine. I see what this is. But, really, both of you,” Selina started, gaze flicking between her aunt and Oswald, “all of this? An entire _picnic?_ Was this so necessary? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Edward. But I am telling you now.” Ed couldn’t help the swell of brotherly pride he felt at seeing Selina’s unwavering and unapologetic stance in the face of two of Gotham’s most terrifying and powerful elite. Even though at the moment he felt incredibly uneasy, as if he were intruding on a private family matter.

 

     Barbara’s gaze softened, while Oswald’s rage turned into something closer to a sulk.

 

     “Yes, well, I apologize for my dramatics. Really, Selina, I’m happy for you. And I did truly want us, _all_ of of us,” Lady Kean said, clasping one of Oswald’s hands in her own, “to better know the new additions to our happy little family.” She directed her gaze again to Sofia, and there was a softness there that was somehow different than the way she looked at Oswald or Selina. “At the very least, can we all _try_ to get along?” Oswald mumbled something Ed didn’t quite catch, which left Selina and Barbara giggling madly.

 

     It was all so sentimental and foreign to Ed, the feeling of family. _This isn’t real. This isn’t yours. This is a ruse to hurt Cobblepot and nothing more. You can’t have this._

 

     And yet, he couldn’t help but melt into the joy of being surrounded by a group of people acting so loving towards each other, with no ulterior motives attached. Though the bad blood between himself and Oswald never quite disappeared, watching him interact with Barbara and Selina was a side of him Ed never expected to see. He was softer, warmer- more like the man Ed had initially believed him to be. He even found himself laughing along with everyone, feeling the warmth of Gotham’s sun spreading through his bones and into his blood. At some point, Edward even found himself forgetting to hate Oswald altogether.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     The picnic died down close to sunset, an hour clearly far later than Lady Kean had expected.

 

     "Well! We've had our fun, but I believe we must bid you boys ado! The girls and I have decided a continued night of festivities is in order!" Barbara said, smiling at her female cohorts.

 

     "But- and really, I don't wish to dampen your evening, but Lady Falcone and I arrived in one of her carriages," a light blush colored Oswald's features, some slight embarrassment about arriving with, rather than escorting, the Lady.

 

     "Oh, Ozzie, not to worry! I'm sure Nymga's carriage has plenty of room, he won't have issue with getting you home, now, will he?" Ed wanted to argue, disagree- but Barbara Kean was a fearsome woman. Ed nodded sheepishly in response.

 

     "Well-", Ed got the feeling Oswald, too, wished to disagree; but thought better of it when faced with Barbara's wishes. "alright, I suppose."

 

     The ladies left them at the foot of the Kean estate, and the dichotomy of the two groupings was nothing short of ironic to Ed. A group of happy, laughing, spirited young girls leaving behind the two most unhappy and dour young men in all of Gotham proper. If he were not so affected by the turn of events, surely he would have found the matter quite amusing.

 

     "I will feign happiness, for her sake. But know that I am now, more than ever, disgusted by you, Mr. Nygma." Oswald did not even turn to look at him, facing forward as though Ed were not even present.

 

     "Why does this bother you, Mr. Cobblepot? Do you so hate to see that you have failed in your attempt to ruin me? Are you so offended by the prospect of me finding happiness, finding  _love,_ despite your best efforts?"

 

     Oswald scoffed, a mean little sound, before replying, "This is not love, this is lust. You are rake looking to sweep my niece away as some sort of child-bride. I know that Miss Kyle is a woman of sense, and sooner rather than later will leave you upon discovering your true nature. I gladly await that day."

 

     Even with the knowledge that this whole affair was a fraud, Edward felt offended. "You think me so foul, so despicable? She is not so young to make this inappropriate, Oswald! And I am a man of honor, I assure you, your rude assumptions are completely unfounded!" 

 

     Finally, Oswald turned to face him, all fire and passion and total, unadulterated hatred. "You lack any honor, sir! You are the last man in all of Gotham deserving of my niece, and I will never, ever demean my family by accepting you into it. Play your games, have your fun. Sooner or later they," he nodded vaguely to the estate behind the pair, "will see you the way I do. The way I always have. You are a lowly roach, a parasite to society. I would love nothing more than to be rid of your presence forever!"

 

     "Gods, man! You see yourself so far above me as though you yourself had never touched the ground! I  _know_ you, Oswald. You were far lower than I in your past. Your hatred of me is misdirected, I believe the only person here you really hate is yourself!" With each blow, Edward stepped forward, until he and Oswald were practically face to face. 

     

     Suddenly, a hand was around his waist and another had pulled him by the back of his neck to be level with Cobblepot. With little time for thought, Oswald had pressed himself flush to Edward, and was kissing him fervently. It was more instinct than anything else, really, to respond in kind. The two were locked in a battle for dominance, devouring one another totally. All of the heat, the passion of their arguing culminated in this one, feverish kiss. 

 

     Oswald was everywhere-deep in his mouth exploring every inch with his tongue, burning hot along his front, pulling and tugging his hair, pressing a searing hand to the small of his back. Edward felt as though he had been lit on fire, and was helpless to do more than try his hardest to fight back. He nipped at Oswald's lips, held Oswald’s mouth fast to him with a hand at his jaw, and firmly gripped his bicep with his remaining hand. It was sinfully, wickedly good- and ended more abruptly than Edward would have liked.

 

     Before Ed could question it, he saw Oswald's reason for pushing him away. His carriage was approaching swiftly, bringing with it a coldness Edward could not shake. It felt rather like a loss- a puzzle piece that had just slotted into place, only to be lost again in a passing breeze. They entered the carriage wordlessly. Oswald's face was unreadable, expression totally blank. For his part, Ed knew his own silence was not for lack of trying. But he was, above all else, a coward; all words alluded him. As they neared Oswald's estate, Ed had finally worked up the courage to say something- only for it to be shot down immediately by a glance from Oswald that seemed to implore him not to speak. So he did not. He was silent for the rest of the evening, in fact. And when sleep finally took him- again Oswald haunted his dreams. This time, though, it was impossible to deny the burning he felt upon waking, Oswald’s name still caught on his lips, was anything short of damning infatuation. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for all the fencing terms im a fucking giant ass nerd. Also- for you history nerds- I know this is a regency fic, making it slightly past Jane Austen's lifetime and just before the novel "Frankenstein" was popular, and I'm kinda making references and allusions to setting that are kinda outta time frame but uhhhhhhhh.....i dont care.


	4. Secrets, secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2,000 words of this ch are porn lmao oops. So, yeah, take note of the rating change!

     For the three days following the… _incident_ , Ed feigned illness. It wasn’t as though anyone had been asking after him, really. To everyone else on the planet nothing was amiss. The world kept turning, life continued on it’s usual, mundane path. Oh, there had probably been births and deaths and all of those grand life events that humanity was constantly trying to convince itself were in some way special. In truth, though, those were merely the inevitable facts taught to all at a young age. We live, we die. What had occurred that night, on the stairs of the Kean estate with Oswald, however…

 

     Thus, Edward’s self-imposed solitude was partially true. He did truly feel sick even thinking of that moment; remembering the feeling of Oswald’s lips on his, the press of his body.

 

     Ed was going to hell.

 

     Of that much, he felt certain. Because when he reflected on it all, one thing stood out: he had _enjoyed_ it. Rather thoroughly, in fact. Now, Ed had never concerned himself with the beliefs of the church, as no real man of science should. But there were certain things that were just _wrong,_ be it morally or otherwise. And the love between two men, the kind of relations he’d been fantasizing about, that was wrong. Immoral.

 

     Yet no matter how many times Edward reminded himself of this, his mind continued to wander towards thoughts of the other man. He would wake up, hard and desperate, picturing what might’ve been had his carriage not arrived when it did. Would Oswald have been able to control himself? Or would he have been driven mad by Ed, and Ed alone? Would he have taken Edward, _claimed_ him, then and there? That kind of mad passion, a desire for simple, unassuming _Ed,_ was what kept him up nights finding relief in the pathetic grasp of his own hand. Each time he thought of Oswald, being used and taken by the man, and each time left him feeling more hollow than the last.

 

     He spent three days torturing himself, caught between two extremes. He thought of their eternal damnation; and he thought of them together in the most intimate ways. Burning hellfire, and blissful heaven. On the third day, finally, he rose. With a much clearer head and perspective on the situation as a whole, he began plotting a course of action.

 

     So he was a sinner. As was most of Gotham! And just like the first time he’d been made a scoundrel by Oswald, he was determined to take this new debauchery in stride. He could deny it no longer; Selina had been correct. He was attracted to a man, and a man who currently seemed to loathe him, no less! How wonderfully stupid! Ed was determined, though. A fool for love, perhaps. But that wasn’t going to stop him from what he had decided he was going to do next:

 

     Edward was going to woo the illustrious Oswald Cobblepot.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Word arrived, in the form of Miss Kyle, that they were again to attend an event as a couple. Edward tried to protest, fearing for how this might affect his new plans with Oswald, but it was Selina insisting upon the ruse this time.

 

     “Why are you now so against this, Ed? You practically begged me to aide you in this, what could have possibly changed? You should be thrilled- it seemed to work quite well at the picnic. Oswald was _livid_ !” _Yes,_ Ed mused privately, _that was the exact outcome he was now trying to avoid._ But he could not risk exposing himself, and by proxy Oswald, even with the knowledge that Selina would be undoubtedly understanding and supportive. So, he was forced to go along with their ploy. Though, something about their role reversal in swaying one another struck Ed as curious.

 

     “Hang on, though. What has changed for you in this, Selina? What, is there now a suitor you are attempting to ward off?” Ed was teasing the girl, mostly, but she seemed to tense minutely. _Ah, there it is._ “Is he bothering you, Selina? You do know if you need anything, anything at all, you need not hesitate in asking?” Ed felt an inevitable interruption so he barreled onwards, “I’m quite aware that you can handle yourself, and any resulting altercations, perhaps far better alone than with any intervention from myself; but I must offer my services at the very least. It is what friends for, is it not?”

 

     Selina smiled, but still seemed somewhat distracted. “Thank you, I’m quite alright. Just, be at Bruce- er, Master Wayne’s estate Thursday next. He's hosting a ball.”

 

     “Master Wayne? This is his first season as well, correct? And with the tragedy of his parents just this past winter, I had assumed-”

 

     “Well, you assumed incorrectly.” Selina interrupted sharply.

 

     So there was something there, something more going on beneath the surface betwixt Selina and the Wayne boy…

 

     Well. Much as Edward loved a good mystery, and would have been thrilled to meddle in the affairs of his friend in order to deduce just what, exactly, was going on; he had his own matters to concern himself with. The puzzle of Miss Kyle and Master Wayne would just have to wait for another day. He just had to figure out how he was going to find some time once there to talk to Oswald, make his feelings clear. Surely Miss Kyle would not require to keep up appearances the entire evening...Ed only hoped she would be forgiving in the inevitability that he would have to tell her uncle that they had been lying about the nature of their relationship. 

 

_The ball’s the thing, wherein I’ll win the heart of the king._

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------_

     Apparently what Selina had actually meant in ‘continuing their staged relationship’ was a few distracted dances and a brief conversation in a corner open enough to be seen by all, but private enough so as to give the illusion of intimacy. She was good, giggling and coy; the picture of infatuation. Ed tried to keep up, but his heart wasn’t in the scheme. He felt slightly guilty; for his friend’s sake, he truly did want to seem convincing. Selina deserved as much from him, at the very least. Selfishly, though, Edward hoped that Miss Kyle’s continued scanning of the room throughout their act and his own lack of enthusiasm gave the impression, to one person at least, that the whole affair was a sham.

 

     Oswald had certainly noticed their presence, if nothing else. Every so often Ed could feel his gaze as though it were a physical thing, and would look up to meet the man’s eyes for the briefest of moments before Oswald broke the contact. He was, unsurprisingly, still flaunting his supposed devotion to Lady Falcone for the ton to see. He could not fool Ed, though. Edward had seen first hand, had been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of, Oswald’s real passion. The man loved with the same ferocity with which he fought. It was a powerful, all-consuming thing- nothing like this passive and demure flirtation he engaged in with Lady Falcone. Ed knew he was, perhaps, being too much of a naive optimist; convincing himself that Oswald’s feelings for Sofia were a mere facade and that the man cared for Edward instead. He certainly hadn’t a clue _why_ the pair would pull a similar subterfuge to Edward and Selina’s, and if Lady Falcone was even aware Oswald’s feelings were fraudulent, but Edward had hope.

 

     As the night began to draw to a close, Edward saw his golden opportunity. Oswald excused himself from Lady Falcone’s side and, curiously, made his way not to the latrine but rather to the gardens. He did so alone, which Ed saw as his one and only chance to speak privately with him. He tried to follow Oswald as covertly as possible, but felt a few intrigued stares follow him in all of his nervous, excited bumbling. He couldn’t help it- there was something thrilling about the danger, the wrongness of this. Even just a simple conversation between the two men would hold entirely new connotations now, and it was both frightening and exhilarating to Ed.

 

     The Wayne gardens were so beloved by the ton due to the vast hedge maze held within them. In the autumn, Thomas and Martha had made a tradition of opening the maze to the children of Gotham to explore in celebration of All Hallow’s Eve. The changing of season made the coloring of the gardens perfect; all burnt oranges, bright yellows, and deep reds. The need for extra decorations was moot, mother nature providing all the festiveness herself. Ed had never met the Waynes, personally- he was too old to ever be invited to decode the puzzle of the maze when he’d arrived in Gotham proper, unfortunately- but it was kind acts like these that made Edward grieve their absence in society all the same.

 

     Upon reaching the beginning of the maze, seeing Oswald disappear within it just moments prior, Ed paused. With all of the twist and turns it was sure to hold, there was no way Edward was going to be able to track Oswald by visuals alone. He feared he had already lost sight of him with his delay. Still, though, he had come this far- he could not let himself be deterred. Foolish as it felt, he tried to focus on something deeper within himself; a gut feeling to guide him towards the literal man of his dreams.

 

     Maybe it really had been just luck, but when Edward turned a corner to find a dead end and a rather distraught Oswald, he momentarily believed his heart really had lead him there. _Gods, Ed, you’re supposed to be a man of logic and reason! Yet here you are, believing in fairy tales and the magicks of true love’s first kiss all because of-_

 

     Him.

 

     Now that he was allowing himself to really admire the man, it was impossible not to notice how _beautiful_ Oswald really was. He was dressed impeccably; tight britches hugged every curve of his athletic legs, a fine black tailcoat tailored perfectly to his dimensions fitted above them, and a purple brocade cravat to top it all off, drawing all attention directly to his eyes. Those eyes- no matter how many dreams that piercing gaze haunted, Edward’s subconscious was still unable to do them justice. They were an almost cold green-blue, and though they were currently slightly obscured from Edward’s sight, he adored them above any hue he'd ever seen in his life. Oswald’s face was mostly covered by worried fist clenched between his teeth, obviously the man was upset over something. He turned, though, to face Edward at the sound of his approach. He seemed initially shocked at being discovered, but upon noticing it was Ed who had found him he deflated somewhat. Before Ed could decide whether that was a good or bad sign, the man was shouting at him.

 

     “Oh, what, Edward?! Can I have no moment of peace, no rest from your open affections for my _niece?_ No solace from those lost glances you keep throwing my way?”

 

     Ed was at a loss. “Oswald, I- I came to speak with you about-” a lump formed in his throat, silencing him and threatening to choke Ed with his own bubbling emotion, “I wanted to talk to you.”

 

     “What, do you want my blessing on your nuptials? I do so hate to disappoint, _Eddie,_ but that will not be happening.”

 

     “Oswald- what- how could you possibly think that? That I would- that I-”

 

     “That you, what, Ed? From my perspective it seems rather clear that even after-” a pretty blush worked its way across Oswald’s cheeks, creeping up from his neck, “that night, your intentions towards Miss Kyle remain unchanged. So, Ed, what would you have me assume?” Ed laughed at the absurdity of it all, the hopelessly knotted mess he had tied himself into. This did not help matters at all. “You find this funny, do you?! You think this to be some _joke,_ I suppose?!” Oswald was swiftly advancing on him, a development Edward was, embarrassingly, quite pleased with.

 

     “Well, yes, in a manner of speaking.” This had Oswald absolutely fuming, the steam practically visible spouting from his ears. Ed hastily continued, “That is, it _is_ a joke- or, well, a feint, really. A lie, if I am to be totally honest. Selina and I have never felt even the vaguest attraction towards one another- this was all a hoax concocted by the two of us. It is not- and never has been- real.”

 

     Oswald was stunned silent for a moment, mind trying hard to wrap itself around the ridiculousness of what Edward had just admitted. “You mean to tell me that this entire courtship, every moment between you and Selina, it was all staged?”

 

     “Well, yes. And no. The romantic elements are all false, yes, but she remains a close friend to me. Especially after agreeing to go along with this.”

 

     “But... _why?”_

 

     “We each had our reasons. She was convinced when I pointed out to her that a feigned relationship might deter unwanted suitors,” Oswald chuckled a bit, clearly recognizing just how very _Selina_ that sentiment was, “and I… Well. I should think it rather obvious why I did it. It did have the intended effect after all, did it not?” And this admission was meek, entirely opposing the smugness he had displayed in his recent interactions with Oswald. He no longer felt pride in his actions.

 

     “You did this...to anger me? You would stoop so low, act with such cruelty? What did I do to deserve a punishment of that severity?”

 

     “You- how can you ask that?!” Ed felt the familiar heat any conversation with Oswald seemed to leave him with rising steadily inside him once again. Despite his affection for the man, there was still some bitterness lingering from Oswald’s actions against Ed. “You, _sir,_ have ruined me! My name, my reputation; they are in tatters because of you- because of your petty little rumor!”

 

     “ _Ruined_ you? You are so bold as to claim that _I_ have ruined _you?”_ Oswald had gotten so close that only a flimsy foot of space lie separating the two, and though he was smaller in stature than Ed, he was a fearsomely large presence to be at odds with. “How dare you say that, how _dare_ you! You, who have so utterly, so completely _ruined_ me-” a choked sob escaped him, cutting off his increasingly broken tirade. It was a small and heart breaking noise, nothing of the ire he had just displayed remaining. Ed felt a horrible pang in his heart at the words, and the beginning of tears clumping Oswald’s lashes together. He had no other solution, so he followed the advice of his nursemaid; kiss the hurt away.

 

     This was nothing like their one previous, heated kiss. It was not a fight, the intention wasn’t to hurt one another- rather the opposite. All Edward wanted in that moment was to heal, make the rest of the world melt away and let the two of them spend eternity locked together in this embrace. He was attempting to chase away all of the sorrow in Oswald's voice, the pain the man seemed so burdened with. He soothed him with the press of his lips, the steady pulse of tongues dancing and hearts beating in sync. It was painful to pull away for a breath, but he remained as closely pressed to the other man as possible, still joint at their foreheads and panting hotly into each others’ open mouths.

 

     “Please,” Ed couldn’t stop himself from stroking a wayward thumb over Oswald’s cheekbone, adoring every inch of skin he was being allowed to touch, “Please, Oswald, I don’t- anything. God, I would do _anything_ for you. Let me right my wrongs.” With that, Oswald leaned up and kissed him again, with vigor and purpose.

 

     Oswald’s hands were relentless, holding and grasping and _stroking_ every inch of him, leaving Ed a depraved wreck. Finally, Oswald’s movements became far more pointed, one hand grazing the front of Ed’s trousers. Ed gasped at the foreign feeling, having never felt a hand not his own in such an intimate part of himself. His hands shot up at the shock of it, grasping Oswald’s shoulders to brace himself. Oswald, for his part, did not let up. His mouth had moved, now attached to Ed’s neck- leaving a mark high enough to brand Edward as belonging entirely to Oswald. Ed couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips at the thought of being so visibly claimed by another, and he felt the smirk of Oswald’s lips against him at the noise.

 

     “What, is this all so new to you Edward? Have you not even put a hand upon yourself before? Or, perhaps, you like being marked by me?” Ed nodded, far past the point of being able to respond cleverly. Oswald’s nimble fingers began undoing the layers of cloth that separated his own gloved hands from Edward’s manhood, continuing to whisper foul nothings into Ed’s ear. “Would you let me claim you further, allow me every part of yourself?” Ed whimpered, never having heard another speak so brazenly. “Would I be the first, Ed?” Ed was lost at the feeling of Oswald finally baring him, cool air hitting his naked flesh before being engulfed by the heat of the other man’s hand. “Tell me, Edward. Am I the first to see you like this?” There was a desperation in his voice now, and Ed wanted to overwhelm Oswald with his words just as he had been doing to Ed. His questions seemed to linger on that one idea, so Ed ran with it, cupping one side of his face and positioning himself ever closer to murmur directly into Oswald’s ear.

 

     “Yes, Oswald, the first. The only. Yours, entirely yours.” He was close enough now to feel Oswald straining against him, hard and solid and _real_. “I’ve thought of you- dreamt of you like this, every night since the moment you kissed me.” Ed was blushing profusely, and hoped that in the darkness and with their proximity Oswald couldn’t see it. 

 

     Oswald moaned, deep and low, stroking the length of him at a far more maddening pace. “What did you imagine?” Ed hesitated, slightly ashamed at his admission, and Oswald’s voice grew soft and coaxing. “Please, Ed. I’ve thought of you- of us- as well. Every moment we’ve been separated, my thoughts are on you. Your clever mind and the surprise on your face when I kissed you.”

 

     Ed was going to die, Oswald's hand bringing him to the edge almost as fast as his words were. _La petite mort, indeed_ . “I picture you being unable to stop- unable to- _ah_ ” Ed sucked in a gasp, so _maddeningly_ close, “restrain yourself- having to take me right there, on the Kean estate.”

 

     “I would have, too. I know you would’ve let me, Edward. Had your carriage not come, I would have opened you, _slowly,_ with my fingers. Driven you mad. You would have been begging for me, begging me to fill you with my cock. You would take me so prettily, wouldn’t you, Ed?” Ed felt tears slip from his eyes as he moaned desperately against Oswald. The other man pulled back, using his other hand to force Edward to maintain eye contact. “I want to see you when you come undone, want to watch how easily I can make you fall apart.”

 

     All it took was another firm stroke, and Ed shattered. He spilled himself on Oswald’s gloved hands, coming with a shout of Oswald’s name and a broken off sob. Oswald continued to work him through the aftershocks, until Ed was too sensitive to do much more than whimper his protest. The filthiness of his words seemed to disappear as he gently put Ed away, fixing his clothes back to rights and pressing soft, delicate kisses across his cheeks and over his closed lids.

 

     “You are so beautiful, Edward. So perfect, all for me.” It was the most tenderness Edward had ever been shown, and he felt himself break a little further at that. He was delirious and drunk on the kindness Oswald was showing him. A slight shift, though, reminded him that he was not the only one who had been affected by their passion. Oswald was still hard, and though it must have been uncomfortable at this point, he made no effort to relieve himself; still focusing his attentions on Ed.

 

     “Let me-” Ed’s hands fumbled, clumsy in his post-blissful haze, “I want to make you feel good, as well. Can I- ?” Ed tried to ask less through words and more with his actions, hesitating briefly before completely unsheathing the man.

 

     “Don’t worry, love, you needn’t feel as though you have to-” Ed’s heart pounded hard at the endearment. It was likely a meaningless pet name to Oswald- he hadn’t seriously meant that he _loved_ Ed. Yet, the thought still made Edward’s knees weak.

 

     “I know I don’t _have_ to, Oswald. I _want_ to.”

 

     Finally, he managed to free Oswald from his breeches. His hand was not as confident nor as steady as Oswald’s had been, but with the way Oswald was thrusting into his open fist it didn’t make much of a difference, really. Edward was, in part, grateful that Oswald seemed so willing and eager to take control; Everything about this was entirely new to Ed. Sex had always been something he’d known only theoretically; this, though...It was so much more sacred and intense than Edward had expected an act so base to be capable of being. It was almost impossible to picture their joining being anything but a religious experience. How he’d convinced himself that _this_ was immoral for so long was beyond him.

 

     Oswald looked at Ed with a reverence that Ed had to avert his gaze from. Surely, he did not deserve to be so cherished. Oswald’s pupils were blown in lust- eyes never straying from Edward’s lips. He began stroking his thumb along the seam of them, and instinctively Ed sucked the digit into his mouth. Edward only belatedly noticed Oswald must’ve, at some point, discarded his soiled gloves somewhere. This realization came as the taste of Oswald’s bare skin- the saltiness of sweat, and something else entirely Oswald- hit Ed’s tongue. The action pulled a sound of pure sin from Oswald’s lips, a reaction which caused a rather interesting idea to take hold in Edward’s mind. He released the thumb from between his lips with a small ‘pop’, and pulled back far enough to speak.

 

     He noticed, aside from his obvious…. _exposure_ , Oswald seemed entirely untouched. There was a flush to his face, but otherwise he seemed unaffected. Ed felt he needed to change that- wreck Oswald in the same way the man had wrecked Ed.

 

     “Oswald, do you- do you want my mouth? On you?”

 

     “Always.” Oswald eagerly replied, in somewhat of a trance, and pulled Edward into a searing kiss. Ed allowed him as much, smiling into it as he stilled his hand. Perhaps having a few less distractions would help Oswald understand his meaning better.

 

     “No, I meant- _on_ you.” He tried again, adding a pointed look downwards for clarity.

 

     “Oh. _Ohh,_ Edward! Well, yes, certainly- but, have you ever…?” Edward looked away, embarrassed at his own inexperience, before Oswald moved to catch his eye. Gently, he framed Edward’s face with both of his hands before continuing, “Ed, I would be _honored_ to be the first to have you like that,” and the possessiveness in his gaze told Edward he was being sincere, “but I’m not sure- that is, Ed, are you sure you’re _ready-”_

 

     “I’m not a child, Oswald. I am entirely capable of pleasing you just as well as any of your other lovers.” Ed hated how jealous he sounded, how (ironically) childish and petulant he was being. But he wanted to be special. He was aware his lack of experience was probably already boring Oswald, but he was determined to at least _try_ to be memorable. Try to be someone Oswald might want to come back to, again and again.

 

     “Well, I wouldn’t dream of denying you, if that is what you desire.” Oswald said, a smirk caught on his lips. _He’s trying to keep this light, keep it fun. It is, after all, just sex to him. Stop making it about feelings he clearly does not have._

 

     Ed lowered himself, gracefully as could manage, until he was on his knees before the other man. He tried immediately to fit as much of Oswald as he could into his mouth at once, and promptly gagged so hard he was forced to pull off.

 

     “Gods, Ed, don’t choke yourself!” Oswald was laughing, and though Ed wanted to be offended, the easiness of it told him that Oswald wasn’t taunting him. Rather, he was trying to relax Edward, make the other man more comfortable. It was such a thoughtful gesture, Ed found himself smiling back and choking back tears.

 

     “What if I want to? What if I want to die here, just like this?” Ed teased, still holding Oswald in one hand, mouth mere inches from the man’s dick.

 

     Oswald laughed a little more, breath hitching when Ed took him into his mouth again. This time, though, he went slow; savoring the heavy feeling of Oswald on his tongue. What he couldn’t take in his mouth, he worked with his hand, trying his best to imitate Oswald’s motions from earlier. He was unsure what to do besides bob his head up and down, and decided to look to Oswald for guidance. The gaze he was met with was pure adoration, and slowly Oswald raised a hand to brush a stray lock of hair from Edward’s forehead, a happy sigh falling from his lips. But ‘content’ was not what Edward had been going for- he wanted to see Oswald _wrecked._ He redoubled his efforts, swirling his tongue around the tip and moaning when Oswald was as far down his throat as he could manage so that he could feel the vibrations along the entire length of him. That, finally, evoked a much more desperate response from the man.

 

     “Ed- oh, _oh_ god, Edward. Your mouth is- _ah_ \- perfect. So, _so_ perfect.” Oswald was rambling a bit, caught in the throes of passion, and _that_ incoherence had Ed silently congratulating himself. He had made a mess of Oswald Cobblepot. “Ed, you- right there, _yes-_ Edward, please-” Oswald began nudging Ed’s face away, so he went with a confused rumble, popping off the other man obscenely. At a loss, and feeling suddenly terrified he’d done something wrong or failed so utterly at giving Oswald pleasure, Ed focused his attention on working his hand faster. He added a twist on the last pull up his length, and all Oswald could manage was a broken moan for a warning before he was spilling over Edward’s face.

 

     “Ed! Oh, Ed, I’m so sorry! I was trying to warn you, but-” Oswald cut himself off, unable to complete his thought at the sight of Edward licking the come from his lips and tasting Oswald fully.

 

     The moment, however, was very suddenly ruined by a feminine gasp from somewhere just behind Ed. Before he had time to turn around fully, he watched as Oswald’s expression lost all the softness it held for him, turning detached and- perhaps, scared? He tucked himself quickly back into his pants, and Ed, his curiosity now thoroughly piqued, turned to see-

 

     “Lady Falcone. You- this isn’t- things are not as they seem, Sofia.” Oswald was pleading, already trying to undo what had just occurred. It hit Edward like a slap to the face, cold and unforgiving.

 

     But there was no denying what they’d done- the evidence was obvious and still drying on Ed’s cheeks, across his brow. His position was no better; leaving no question as to what had just transpired.

 

     “Well, I truly doubt _that_ , Oswald.” Gone was the sweet, ditzy girl Ed had met at the picnic. This girl, this _woman_ before him was the true Lady Falcone. She was calculating, taking in the scene before her with an air of vague disgust. _So it had all been an act, then. Well, that makes two of us._ “I think it is time we leave, Mr. Cobblepot. There is much for us to discuss.” With that, Sofia turned to leave. Something halted her exit, though, as she turned to walk purposefully back towards the pair. Ed tensed involuntarily, a coward in the face of this new and unpredictable Sofia. All she did, though, was produced a handkerchief from between her ample breasts, and held it out before Ed. “Do clean your face, Edward, before you return to the public. We wouldn’t want anymore gossip, now would we?” Ed was stunned, only barely managing to catch the handkerchief as she dropped it, unconcerned, in the air above him. Then, almost as fast as she’d arrived, she was gone; nothing but a handkerchief and a complete shift in power dynamics left to remember her by.

 

     Ed turned shakily back to Oswald, only to find the man had completely shut himself off. He looked all of the cruel, haughty man Ed had once believed him to be. Edward immediately missed the compassion, the laughter, the _joy_ of who he’d just been before Sofia had discovered them. But that Oswald was gone down- hidden again under layers of self-protecting callousness.

 

     “So, that is to be all, then? You go with her, and leave me here; used and dirty. Your whore and nothing else.” Ed could feel the tears welling and tried desperately to fight them off. He was being irrational, really. After all, what had he been expecting? That they would announce their romance and be welcomed for it? No, clearly that would never be the case. So, what, then? Did he expect Oswald to risk everything, lose it all, for _him?_ A fling, at best?

 

     Still… Ed was perhaps doomed by his own hopelessly romantic nature. Some small part of him hoped and dreamed that, even if he was not worth the trouble of being rejected by society, he was still _something_ to Oswald. Something more than just a harlot, or at the very least someone deserving of better treatment that just being left, cold and alone, in the dirt of the Wayne Gardens the moment Oswald was finished with him.

 

     “Edward, please. It would be best if you just forgot this night ever happened.”

 

     This enraged Ed, but he knew what he would say next required a more even playing field, so he rose again and wiped his face with Sofia’s handkerchief.  “But I can’t do that! I cannot just go back to hating you, or pretending to. I cannot act like what happened just now means nothing at all to me! Can _you?_  Can you honestly stand there and tell me that I mean nothing to you? That everything that happened tonight was a lie? That you feel nothing?”

 

     Oswald was silent, and it hurt Ed more than any affirmative words could.

 

     “I feel sorry for you, Oswald.” Ed was being harsh and drastic and worse than he need be, yet he didn’t care. It hurt, more than he realized it would, to feel so alone in a feeling he _knew_ to be shared. “At least I am capable of being honest with myself; you stand there and continue to lie to yourself, and for what? Money, power, respect? Certainly not love,” Ed huffed a bitter scoff, “We both know you will never have that with her. After all this...this intimate experience you took from me, I should think the least you owe me is honesty.” Ed stood, definitely awaiting Oswald’s response.

 

     “I took nothing that wasn’t being freely and wantonly offered.” He refused to meet Ed’s eyes, and had Edward not seen the tenderness this man was capable of; he felt certain he would be frozen to the spot at the iciness of Oswald’s words.  “Do not call for me, do not look for me, ignore any possible interactions with me when we are forced within the same vicinity of one another and understand that I will be doing the same.” Finally, he did look at him, and Ed knew he had been right. Oswald was all bravado, this was all a _lie_ . He half expected Oswald to break right there, apologize for his curtness and promise him that _yes, of course this mattered to him as well, but it would still have to remain their indecent little secret. Yes, of course they could have a relationship with one another, so long as no one else ever knew about it._ But he didn’t. He turned and left, no doubt to go pacify Lady Falcone and do everything in his power to secure her silence.

 

     This, it seemed, was going to be the most difficult war Ed had ever waged; but he was not discouraged yet. He would prevail in the fight for Oswald’s affections, public or otherwise, he simply had to persevere. _After all, the course of true love never did run smooth._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     The next morning, however, Edward awoke to the news that his world was collapsing on top of him. There, on the second page of the print with all the other frivolous and insignificant news, lie an announcement that shattered him:

 

_And, finally, Gotham looks forward to the upcoming nuptials of two of society’s finest pillars; Mister Oswald Cobblepot has announced his engagement to Lady Sofia Falcone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i doomed to forever write essentially the same "ed giving os a bj" scene in every fic i write? only time will tell (for clarification; go read The One Thing You Can't Forget, specifically chapter 2).


	5. Heartfelt truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theres a playlist on Apple Music called “romantic piano music” and most of this chapter is the product of that.

There are some obstacles in life too big to overcome, some paths too rough to take, and some chasms too wide to ever cross. At some point in each of our lives we will encounter a problem that, no matter how much we desire it to be simpler, will be too much to solve. Sometimes there is simply no option but to give up, look at what you’ve at very least been able to accomplish thus far, and feel some sense of pride that it cannot be said that you hadn’t tried. At least, that was what Edward was telling himself. Didn’t quite stop the tears from coming, though.

 

What was perhaps worse than just the fact that Oswald had proposed to Sofia was the urgency with which the couple was handling the engagement. The wedding was to be a mere fortnight after the party at the Wayne estate, so as to have the couple wed before the season had ended. Apparently their reasoning was that they had just so  _ loved _ the idea of an outdoor wedding, and with winters as swift and harsh as they were in Gotham, summer was the only time that would suit their wishes. Ed supposed it didn’t really matter if the wedding were tomorrow or fifty years in the future; Oswald was marrying Lady Falcone.

 

He had left Edward, and he was marrying someone else. That was that.

 

Ed felt he was rather justified in his sulking. The season was practically over, he had no reason to be out in society pretending his heart wasn’t breaking each time he heard mention of the infamous couple. He couldn’t even imagine seeing them again, seeing him again. Having to walk right past him as though nothing was amiss, having to watch him across the room and act like he had not seen the way his face looked right after he’d come. Pretend he wasn’t dying picturing Oswald spending every night in a cold and loveless marriage bed when he had seen just how tenderly the man loved. Or, worse, try hard not to picture the string of random young footmen or stable boys Oswald would keep on staff under Sofia’s nose to satisfy his needs. Ed felt like a fool, but he was already infuriatingly jealous of the fictitious future men who would work on Oswald and Sofia’s estate.

 

Ed wanted to lie to himself, tell himself that he would one day move past all of this. That one day he would be able to look back on this season as one that was certainly eventful, but ultimately just another year. Another chapter in his life, pages turning drawing ever nearer to a close, that when added together would tell the tale of Ed. He wanted so desperately to believe it could go on, that his story would exist without Oswald in it. But he lacked Oswald’s grace for fooling himself.  

 

Thus, if Edward was to waste away, one half of a whole that held no feeling for him; he supposed shutting himself away inside his home was a fine enough way to exist. Selina, however, had other plans for him. Edward had informed his staff that he would be taking no visitors indefinitely, and realized with a start upon entering his drawing room to find Miss Kyle seated expectantly waiting for him that he would need to fire his whole staff.

     Ed’s first response was to about face, turning to leaving the room the second he spotted her. Selina, naturally, did not take this response well. “NYGMA! Get back here! So help me, Ed, if you don’t  _ talk to me  _ I will destroy everything in this room!” Ed was almost certain she meant that, so he paused, still refusing to face the girl.

 

“Miss Kyle, I cannot fathom why my  _ incompetent _ staff,” Ed shouted this, hoping any of them were in earshot, “have given you the impression that I am fit for company at present, but I will have you know that I have no interest in whatever it is you came here to discuss.”

 

“I’m certain that isn’t true, as I came here to discuss Oswald.”

 

So. The cat was out of the proverbial bag, then.

 

“Who told you? Who else knows?” It was a valid concern. Oswald at least now had a sham of a marriage to protect him from ridicule and harassment. Ed had nothing to hide behind, and should word get out, things could turn very bad very quickly for him. Ed felt he at least deserved to know how long he had before all hell was set to break loose.

 

“I have my sources. Don’t worry, the only people who know are determined to keep the secret. If not for their own sake then for the sake of those they care for dearly.” She sounded softer than she usually did with Ed, so finally, he turned to face her.

 

Selina looked genuinely concerned, even worried, about Ed. Well, he supposed this was something he was going to have to face sooner or later. He entered the drawing room, shutting the door behind him firmly even though he assumed most of his staff had already deduced the nature of his relationship with Oswald. Small mercies, that they appeared to be unfazed by that information.

 

“Ed, you cannot continue to lock yourself away like this. I know if you only spoke with him-”

 

“But he won’t hear me! He told me, Selina, he  _ insisted  _ that we never speak again, that we ignore each other entirely! What, then, am I do to? I will not make myself the hopeless fool who continues to pursue a man hellbent on breaking my heart!” Ed’s voice broke a little as he finally released the pent up hurt he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding in since the Wayne ball.

 

“Oh, Ed,” Selina seemed truly sympathetic, “you’re an idiot.” Ah, that was the charming Miss Kyle he knew and loved. “I mean, in fairness, you aren't the only one. My uncle is a self-sacrificing moron who is so set on ruining his own happiness that he’s refused to hear reason. Men!” Selnia huffed, as though in her mere eighteen years she had already exhausted her patience for men as whole, “Truly you lot would not survive if it weren’t for the women in your lives who have decided to put up with you. Go to him, Ed. Everything else is going to work itself out shortly,” and there was a glimmer of mischief in her eyes that told Ed she knew more, still, than he about his own woeful love life, “all you need worry about is mending the rift you buffoons have created.”

 

Ed took slight offense at that, “I did no such thing! It was  _ Oswald _ who pushed me away when Sofia found us-”

 

“THAT is quite enough, thank you!” Selina said, interrupting Ed’s entirely too personal declaration. She got up to leave, which baffled Ed.

 

“What, can you not stay for tea, at least? Or do you only visit me now when you feel I deserve to be called a moron?”

 

“Nygma, Please.” Selina said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes, “You always deserve to be called a moron. And no, I cannot stay. You’re not the only one with personal matters to attend to. Also; I thought we agreed you were going to go speak with my uncle?” She seemed to be testing him, seeing whether or not he was actually going to be able to go through with approaching Oswald.

 

“What- surely you cannot mean you want me to go see him  _ now?”  _ Ed had figured she had meant for him to speak with Oswald soon, perhaps as soon as the next day, just not  _ that moment. _

 

“Of course I do! I know you have nothing else planned for the evening, what’s to stop you?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps the fact that I’ve no clue what, exactly, I want to say to him! Or maybe that I still have no way into his estate, what with his banning me from his life!”

 

“Don’t worry about getting in, that’s taken care of.” She stated confidently, even conspiratorially. “And as for what to say- oh, I don’t know!” Clearly she was exasperated and quite at the end of her rope with Ed’s nonsense, “Speak from your heart! Isn’t that what all those romantic dolts say to do, anyways?”

 

“Far easier said than done!” Ed knew she was trying to help, and he was very clearly stalling. “What do they know, anyways?”

 

“Fine. Stay here and mope. Continue your misery another day when you  _ could  _ be finding happiness as we speak!”

 

“Yes and I  _ could  _ be getting my heartbroken again as we speak!” Ed matched her tone, topping her volume. That silenced her briefly, both of them clearly uneasy with the levity of Ed’s admission.

 

“I know it’s scary, Edward. It is a risk; I won’t lie and say it isn’t. But- aren’t the best things in life, the ones that really  _ mean _ something- supposed to be terrifying? Potentially disastrous?” She spoke with a wisdom that stunned Ed.  _ For one so young, she knows far more about life than most. _

 

“You’re right. Of course you are- yes, fine, I’ll go to him.” Selina assessed him skeptically, before nodding to herself. As she collected herself to leave, Ed summoned a footman to see her out.

 

“Write to me, Ed. Regardless of the outcome.” Ed smiled, a little shakily, before nodding his assent. With that, Miss Kyle departed.

 

She was right, naturally. She always seemed to be. Before he could think too hard, talk himself out of it, Ed grabbed his overcoat and left with a hurried goodbye and half-formed explanation as to where he was going. His footman smiled knowingly, and dammit Ed  _ really  _ needed to find himself a new staff. But that could wait; Oswald was, and Ed knew now that he always would be, Ed’s first and most important priority.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seemed the entirely of Gotham’s working class was conspiring together in collusion against Edward and Oswald, as the moment Ed arrived at the Cobblepot estate he was rushed into a private little drawing room with the urgency of someone who had been expected hours ago. Ed almost felt sheepishly guilty, until he remembered that not only had he not made an appointment to see Oswald, the man was was almost certainly going to be displeased with him for daring to visit when he’d expressly told Ed not to. But, just as Ed’s staff had ignored his wishes to bar any visitors, Oswald’s staff had gladly taken Edward in. His butler even went so far as to take his coat and start a kettle of tea for Ed as he waited for Oswald. Ed couldn’t help but feel slightly jilted on the man’s behalf, and were they not currently aiding him, perhaps he would have even taken action against the lot of them. Though he doubted they’d all decided to act disobediently on their own, which left one very important question: who held the power to sway Edward  _ and  _ Oswald’s employees? And what was their reasoning for doing so?

 

His puzzling was cut short when Oswald entered, clearly expecting someone other than Edward. He breezed in jovially, but upon spotting Ed his pleasant demeanor fell immediately. He looked angry, unsurprisingly, but there was something else, there, too- something more wistful and bereaved.

 

    “Edward. I told you not to come here.” Oswald said with such a profound exasperation, Ed almost ran out the door lest he cause the other man any further trouble. But he had a reason to be here, and in the short carriage ride it had taken him to get to the Cobblepot estate, he’d searched his heart for just the right words to say. 

 

    What he’d come up with was: nothing. Absolutely nothing. So, he was left to improvise.

 

“You cannot marry her Oswald.” That was a start, at least. Maybe a bit cowardly, continuing to hide the feelings that might earn him ridicule; but it  _ was  _ something he needed to say.

 

    “Actually, Ed, I can. And I’m going to. Rather soon, in fact. So, if that’s all you have to say, then I will be bidding you ado-“

 

_      It’s now or never, Eddie. Will you, for once in your life, be brave? Be honest? Or will you continue to hide yourself forever from ever finding anything worth living for? _

 

     “I love you.” That silenced the man immediately, stopping him in his path. “ I cannot make speeches, Oswald...If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You know me as no other ever has. You have embraced me for it, and-“ this was the risk. What Ed would say next could very likely be untrue, but so far Oswald had let him speak uninterrupted. It was the best sign Ed supposed he would be getting, so he continued, “and I believe you love me for it. I believe you love me, Oswald, as I love you. So, again let me reiterate: I cannot let you marry her.”

 

     Ed had been watching as Oswald took Ed’s speech, in its entirety, in; sans emotion. It was not quite the reaction Ed would have liked or hoped for; but it was, at the very least, not decidedly negative. Small miracles.

     “Edward...you don’t even know what you’re saying. You speak of love as if it were something you knew, something you’d felt before. This, your feelings for me- they aren’t love. It’s infatuation, passing fancy. Nothing more.”

 

     “You assume to know my mind, Oswald, but you’re wrong. I know what I feel, you cannot tell me the truths of my own heart.”

 

     Oswald scoffed a little, “ ‘the truths of my own heart’, please, Ed. Merely a week ago you hated me, wanted nothing to do with me! And I’m now supposed to believe, what?” Oswald looked at him with no small amount of scrutiny, “That you  _ love  _ me? That’s quite the fast turnabout, wouldn’t you say?” 

 

     “Well it’s not as though I had no reason to hate you! In fact-“ it hit Ed suddenly what Oswald was doing here. He was  _ goading  _ Ed. He wanted a fight, wanted to draw Ed’s attention away from- “you didn’t deny it!”

 

     “Deny what?” Oswald was feigning confusion so well, Ed almost believed he had no clue what he was talking about.  _ Almost.  _

 

     “I said that you love me- and you did not deny it!” Ed always was a sore winner, and he couldn’t help but gloat a little over such a fantastic victory.

 

     Oswald sighed, entering the drawing room fully and immediately slumping into one of the armchairs wearily. He took a moment, looking out the lone window to admire the lush greens of the front of his estate, before replying. 

 

     “There are some men in this world who find hiding their affections quite easy. The type of men who keep mistresses or concubines. I have always been rather jealous of them- I find much of my life might have been easier had I the same skill for deception as they possess.” Oswald turned to face Ed properly, stealing all the breath from his lungs. Oswald was right, he was  _ terrible  _ at hiding his feelings- he looked at Edward like the man had single handedly hung the moon, the stars, and all of the galaxies in the skies. It was almost too much for Ed, to be so openly and obviously loved.

 

     “I’m rather glad you don’t- I have been told a number of times that I am something of an idiot. I hardly think I would have ever been able to come here if I hadn’t known, if you hadn’t looked at me,  _ touched  _ me like- as though I were- as if-“ Ed still found himself struggling for words, but Oswald seemed to know exactly what Ed was trying to say. It had an unintendedly negative effect on the man.

 

     “I did not want to fall for you, Edward. But you gave me no choice.” He sounded so desperately dejected, and Ed couldn’t fathom why.

 

     “But this makes no sense! You love me- you’ve said it yourself. I love you as well, Oswald.” He was laughing, a little giddy at the improbability and reality of it all, “We can be happy together! Why, then, have you proposed to Lady Falcone?”

 

     Ed felt quite at the top of the world, while Oswald appeared to be hitting new depths of despair with each word Edward uttered. “She’s threatened me, Ed. With what she saw- she threatened to make it public knowledge.”

 

     “Psh! To hell with her threats! You admitted just now, Oswald, that your romantic affairs are quite poorly hidden, what do you care if it is all confirmed to be true? You will still be the most powerful man in all of Gotham!” Ed was grinning; a raving fool gone mad on just the  _ possibility  _ he might get to keep Oswald all to himself. 

 

     “Yes, you’re quite right. My affairs would take some hit, surely, but I would recover. That’s not why I’m going through with the marriage, though.” 

 

     “ _Why_ , then, have you forced yourself into this dreadful, uncaring-“ Ed stopped himself.  _ Idiot. _ “Oh. It’s not- Oswald, you can’t possibly be doing this for-“

 

     “You lost all funding, any possibility for further research on your medical study, Ed. Work you’d spent years on,  _ good  _ work. All of it- gone. And that was one stupid rumor! Not even a very bad one, at that! You would never survive it, your career, your reputation- all of Gotham would shun you forever. You’d never work again, and I couldn’t do that to you. Not again.” Oswald looked quite close to tears, and Ed realized with a start that at some point he’d begun crying himself. 

 

     “You would endure a life with her, a life possibly lacking any love at all, for that? For me?” Ed was stunned. No one cared for him so profoundly- possibly no person on this earth cared for any other with the same devotion Oswald was showing him. 

 

     “Yes. That, and much more.” Oswald was standing now, facing Ed, and the sincerity of his words was dizzying.

 

     “Oswald, I cannot allow that. For, if you marry her, you will break my heart.” Ed choked on a sob, which had Oswald rushing to comfort him, holding his forearms  quite at a loss for how better to ease Ed’s pain. “I can live without my work, without my reputation or a name for myself. I can live without money, clothes, shelter, food- what I cannot live without, Oswald, is you.”

 

     Oswald leaned into him fully, pulling Edward down into a kiss. It was incredibly tender, the softest press of lips almost too chaste to be considered a proper kiss. He pulled back just enough to speak, whispering the words into Ed’s mouth, “we will figure this out, Edward. We will remain together- I swear it. I will fight for you.” It was too sweet- sickening honeyed words that rotted Ed in the best sort of way- and he couldn’t bare another second spent doing anything besides kissing Oswald. 

 

     “Well,” the two separated with a start, turning to face the open door and the dual smirks of Lady Falcone and Lady Kean, “you two really  _ cannot  _ seem to keep it in the bedroom, can you?”

 

     Oswald gulped. Edward bit his lower lip. Sofia rolled her eyes, and Barbara just laughed and laughed at her own remark.

 

_      Oh dear. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,,, we’re coming to the close of this one. im thinkin there’s gonna be one final chapter to wrap it all up and then an epilogue so i can directly plagiarize that ONE SCENE from pride and prejudice. Cuz duh. 
> 
> speaking of plagiarism! who caught the stolen line in this one? it’s my favorite thing jane ever wrote and it’s from Emma and that’s all the clues imma give u. 
> 
> come yell at me to update on twitter ( @gaydiscovampire ) and if ur feelin it maybe drop one of them young kuddos or replies below,,,,lmao KOBE !


	6. A truce. An alliance, really.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> imma be real witchu fam this one is,,,,short as fuck. But um? thats it? the end? lmao there's gonna be an epilogue and it's basically written i just can't decide if i want it to be blatant smut (part two!) or not soo,, until that's figured out here have some lesbians

     “Barbara, stop it. Wasn’t it you who was  _ just  _ reminding me on the carriage ride over that we need handle this situation with a  _ delicate  _ touch?” Sofia scolded, refusing to comment on the scene she’d walked in on.

 

     “I know, dearest, I simply cannot help it sometimes. I mean, really, boys! Have some decorum, won’t you? We’re never going to be able to make this all work if you cannot go one moment without-”

 

     “Barbara.” Sofia warned. In response, Lady Kean merely huffed and retired to a nearby sofa.

 

     “I’m sorry, but just what, exactly, is going on here?!” Oswald had, at some point during their exchange, extracted himself from Edward’s grasp, now only joint to the man by one hand still interlocked with Ed’s. It was depressing, really, how much Edward was already feeling the loss of him though he remained standing a mere foot away. “Would either of you care to explain why it is that all of my staff have decided to let whoever so pleases into my home without notifying me? Or, perhaps, you could explain the purpose for your joint,” and that word was emphasized rather harshly; Ed supposed it had something to do with Barbara’s earlier endearment, as he, too, was rather baffled by that, “visit? Now’s not the best time, as you can quite clearly tell.”

 

     “Ah, yes, your staff. It should not surprise you, Oswald, just how far money goes around here. And, frankly, those in positions of power are often so eager to overlook perhaps the most powerful resource of all: the working class. Some kind words and twice their usual salary and I was able to convince both your own and Edward’s entire household to work for me. You should feel lucky I only wanted to marry you, not kill you.” The smile Sofia shot them as she said this was just as venomous as any snake bite;  a reminder that, if tested, she could still very easily do away with them. 

 

     “But you can’t marry him! You don’t love him, and he feels  _ nothing _ for you.” Ed knew it was horrible and rude and smug to say but he did not  _ care.  _ He alone held Oswald’s heart, the thought made him dizzy with power.

 

     “Eddie, please. The grown ups are talking.” Barbara snipped from her place on the couch.

 

     “Yes, Edward, thank you for that. I’m quite aware of your...relationship. If you’ll remember it was my handkerchief, after all, that was covered with the evidence of your affair. We’re discussing a marriage, not love. What-” she laughed a little, and it was such a shame that such a pretty laugh was being used so cruelly, “did you actually think I  _ cared  _ for Oswald? That is utterly ridiculous.”

 

     “Yes, but then, you forget, my love: they are men.  _ Everything  _ they do is utterly ridiculous!” Again Barbara was laughing on her own behalf, but this time Sofia joined in with her.

 

     “Men!” Lady Falcone scoffed, “They are always of the mind that all who meet them have fallen madly in love with them. Had it ever occurred to either of you two gentleman than I may share your proclivity for the same sex?”

 

     It was then that Edward noticed just how close Sofia and Barbara had gotten to each other since entering the room, both seated on the couch now with Barbara practically in Sofia’s lap. Then there was, of course, their endearments and all the shared glances and laughs as if they were the only two present.  _ They are in love! With one another! _

 

     “I am a  _ fool.”  _ Oswald said, a lilting laugh coloring his tone, “How I did not notice sooner is beyond me. Of  _ course  _ you’ve worked together to come up with a plan this brilliant. I should have expected nothing less, and, truly, had I not been so distracted by one particular strapping young clod,” Oswald looked to Ed then with a fondness that betrayed his insult, “I might have put this all together much sooner. Forgive me, ladies, for my idiocy.” He finished with a deep bow before them, which seemed to appease the women. Ed, for all that he would have previously considered himself the smartest in the room, was still lost on a few points while it seemed everyone else had arrived on the same page in total agreement. 

 

     “I apologize, but am I really the only one still confused as to why, Lady Falcone, have you set your sights on marrying Oswald, if your heart already belongs to another?” Barbara rolled her eyes, but luckily Lady Falcone was much more understanding in her response.

 

     “Because, Edward, marriage is, when you really look at it, nothing more than a contract. Especially in these modern times of merging funds and dowries and legalities and what not. Mr. Cobblepot and I have, between us, the two most powerful empires in Gotham currently. I proposed marriage not as a romantic endeavor but rather as something of a truce. An alliance, really. You see, when we first met I knew instantly that we shared attractions for, well... not each other. I did not think it need be said that I had no  _ real  _ feelings for him, but as Barbara has since pointed out to me,” a moment passed between the women that told Ed this had perhaps been a point of contention for them, “I was not exactly transparent in my motives. I felt Oswald resisting and, upon walking in on you both, I used what I had seen to leverage him into the marriage. Oswald,” Sofia turned away from Barbara fully to address the man, “I am sorry. I should have been clearer with you.” Oswald nodded a bit, and Sofia smiled. There was real admiration there, Edward could tell. It was easy to now see that none of it was romantic, but instead a mutual respect forged between two powerful individuals.

 

     The moment passed, and Ed nervously interjected again, afraid of yet again being called a fool for how long it was taking him to understand this whole mess. “So, you still want to marry Oswald, but only for business?”

 

     “Well, business, yes; and a little bit of protection, too. Do not forget that the four of us are in uniquely dangerous positions. Should the ton find out about our true relations, my connection to Barbara and yours to Oswald,” Ed’s face heated at just the memory, the idea that there may be many more nights spent that way in his future, “we could lose everything. This marriage gives us all a cover, under which we may live as our true selves. If ever they should question us; we merely confirm that we are simply close friends. And, should all else fail, we do have one final option,”

 

     “Ugh, no we do  _ not!”  _ Barbara exclaimed, clearly annoyed at whatever idea Sofia had likely posited to her before. 

 

     “What is this option, should our connections to our ‘dear friends’ be questioned?” Oswald asked, entirely immersed in scheming with Lady Falcone.

 

     “Well, we just throw another wedding! This time between Edward and Barbara.” 

 

     “Which we will  _ not _ be doing, thank you very much.” Everyone in the room nodded solemnly. It was a fail-safe, yes, but a terrible one. No one in Gotham would ever believe there was any positive feeling between himself and Barbara. 

 

     “So, Lady Falcone, what are we to do about our estates? I feel safe in assuming that you do not mean you want to fully merge our business operations, is that correct?” Oswald asked, shifting from pleasant friendliness to all business. Ed could see, now, why he was seen as such a fearsome figure in his dealings. Everything in his stance and tone made it clear he was not at all one to be trifled with. The shift rather excited Ed, but he knew that reaction was quite inappropriate for their current situation, so he stored the thought away for later use.

 

     “Ah, you are correct. We will remain separate in our affairs, but with this contract we will be agreeing to work together, to not ever infringe on the other’s territory. We’re too smart and too powerful; neither of us would survive it.” 

 

     Oswald nodded, but still gave pause, “But in terms of this charade, the marriage: what are we to say when the question comes up about us living in entirely separate estates, miles away from one another?” 

 

     “I’m glad you mention that. You see, much as I do so  _ love  _ you, dearest,” Sofia started; an actress putting on the well-rehearsed guise of the perfect doting wife, “ my family’s passing has left my affairs such a jumble, I don’t think now is the best time for me to move into your home. Plus, my dear friend has recently secured a plot of land neighboring mine, and it would seem quite rude to move away from Lady Kean when she’s gone to such trouble to remain close to me in my time of need, would it not? Besides,” Sofia shot Ed a conspirators smirk, “I know how busy you've been since you have recently taken an interest in the sciences. You’ve only just plotted out that renovation to your estate, the laboratory?” Oswald looked a little puzzled, before grinning with wild delight, “How could I ask you, my loving husband, to relocate when you’ve only just started! Financially, I should think it  _ very  _ silly. You’ve just hired that brilliant, young researcher to live and work with you, a very noble undertaking if you ask me. It would be selfish of me to stop you in your...medical research?” Ed nodded a little, confirmation of the bluff Sofia was elegantly crafting before them, “See! Saving lives. Admirable, really.  Yes, it just makes sense for now that we remain lovingly parted.”

 

     “And what about a year from now, when we remain parted?”

 

    “A strained marriage. We stay together to remain pious, but the love has diminished. They cannot touch us, Oswald.” Sofia was all pride and confidence, and rightfully so. She had thought of everything, and though Ed was fearful of getting his hopes up, it truly seemed like a perfect arrangement. 

 

     Oswald barked a surprised laugh, and soon Barbara and Sofia were joining in. Ed couldn’t help it, he was laughing too. “Miss Falcone, I daresay I owe you quite the apology! I have entirely underestimated you at every turn and here, this whole time, you have been devising a way for us all to live freely.” Ed said, so overcome by the joy of the moment.

 

     “Yes, she’s rather incredible, isn’t she?” Barbara added, sobering up to look at her paramour with obvious love in her gaze. Sofia blushed a little under the attention, mumbling some overly humble denial.

 

     Ed turned again to Oswald, and found the other man looking back at him warmly. They looked like ardent fools, but he hardly cared. They were in  _ love.  _ It was the most incredible feeling, knowing that he could have this. That they could have this, forever, without worry of judgment or scorn. He found himself giddily looking forward to packing all of his things into neat little boxes, taking them to Oswald’s sprawling estate, and staying indefinitely. He thought of Christmases with Ladies Falcone, Kean, and Kyle (perhaps even Master Wayne; only time would tell on that one), of the family they would become being the only ones privy to great secret of the Falcone and Cobblepot marriage. He thought of lazy summers with his head in Oswald’s lap, doing nothing more than basking in each other's presence. He thought of tireless hours in his lab, coming to bed and excitedly regaling Oswald with a torrent of facts and figures the other man would gracefully endure though he lacked any interest in the topic. An eternity of life and joy and love passed before his eyes in that moment, and he could hardly wait for it all to begin. 

 

     It was half-agony, half-hope that brought them together in the end. Truly, Edward would have had it no other way. 

 

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "haf-hope, half-agony" is another Jane Austen reference from Persuasion because that book puts out on the real
> 
> im sorry if this feels kinds rushed, but i didnt wanna make some long drawn out ending for no reason, ya feel? like its a simple fix-all, deus ex kinds ending, i know, but honestly? i been hinting at and setting up this ending the whole time so its not exactly a quickie solution if u were really paying attention.
> 
> theres also the fact that, within this fic, there's basically two other totally fleshed out stories waiting to be told. a prequel, for falkean, and a sequel, for batcat. i loved regency writing and would honestly love to write both of these fics out, give my supporting characters their proper due, but i dont know if any of u would even wanna read that. please let me know if that's something youd be into! also just big thanks to the handful of you who even read this; you're sooo appreciated you dont even know :)


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did you really think i, a god fearing gay, was gonna pass up an opportunity to steal THE scene? one of the greatest scenes in cinematic history? thats on u if u did man.
> 
> it also occurs to me that apparently this scene im referencing was the alternate only-shown-in-america ending to Pride & Prejudice (2005)? i think its the one they put on netflix tho so u have no excuse for not knowing it tbh.

     It rains on the day of the wedding. Ed tries not to feel smug, but it somehow feels like a cosmic sign. Of course there was nothing to be jealous of, the vows had been written by the couple with the express purpose of removing any and all romance from the occasion. Still. It was impossible for him to sit quietly, pretending he felt anything besides boiling jealousy, as he watched the love of his life pledge an eternity of devotion to another.

 

     If Edward had it his way, he would not have even been present for the ceremony. But Oswald had begged him, and resisting Oswald was not something he found himself capable of doing. Oswald had even joked about making Edward his best man, but the murderous glare Ed had shot him had silenced that idea permanently. 

 

     Oswald and Edward had talked at length about why the wedding still bothered Ed, and mostly it boiled down to the publicity of it all. Edward wanted nothing more than to be able to openly claim Oswald as his own, take his name and spend the rest of their lives together. Of course Oswald reminded him that they were going to spend their lives together, but it wasn’t the same. To Edward there was still some importance, some weight that came with an actual, legally-binding marriage. He knew it was foolish, but without a name to tie him to the other man, Ed still felt Oswald could chose to be rid of him at any moment. As if without a marriage license, Oswald may one day still leave him when he finally realized Ed was not worth all the trouble he brought with him. But Ed would never get his white wedding, so he learned to make do.

 

     For his part, Oswald did an admirable job of making Ed forget all of his woes the night of the wedding. In fact, by the end Ed could barely remember his own name. As they lie together, Edward’s head resting on Oswald’s chest, both of them exhausted and spent, Ed’s thoughts again returned to the unfortunate air of secrecy surrounding  their relationship. 

 

     Oswald, presumably having felt Edward tensing in his arms, began smoothing doting fingers through Edward's hair. “How are you this evening, my dear?”

 

     “Very well,” Ed tried, not wishing to ruin the mood with his repeated bemoaning of a truly insignificant problem to face, all things considered. “Only, I wish you would not call me ‘my dear’.”

 

     “Why?” Oswald asked, sitting up a bit more to crane his neck down to fully make eye contact with Ed. 

 

     “Because it was what my father always called my mother when he was cross about something.” Oswald silenced at that. Ed’s parentage was a topic they had not yet discussed, and Edward instantly wished he could swallow the words back up again. Now was not the time or place for this talk, Ed wasn’t ready yet. 

 

     “What endearments  _ am _ I allowed, then?” Ed breathed a sigh of relief.  _ Someday we will have to discuss it. Someday. Just not yet.  _

 

_      “ _ Well let me think… Eddie, for every day. ‘My pearl’, for Sundays. And ‘deity divine’, but only on very special occasions.” Oswald laughed a little, a puff of air directly beside Ed’s ear that sent shivers down his spine.

 

     “Ah, and what shall I call you when I am cross? ‘Mr. Cobblepot’?” Ed fell silent, surprised that Oswald would even consider giving Edward his name. They were not wed, there was nothing tying them together. No reason Ed should bear so high a title. And yet, it was being given to him freely. He was amazed, astonished, and overjoyed; it was the greatest gift he’d ever received. 

 

     “No! No, you may only call me ‘Mr. Cobblepot’ when you are completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy.”  _ Like I am right now. _

 

     “Then allow me to rephrase my earlier question, how are you this evening, Mr. Cobblepot?” Oswald punctuated his inquisition with a gentle kiss to Edward’s temple. “Mr. Cobblepot,” he shifted from under Ed until he was seated beside him, lips trailing to place a light kiss high on his cheek bone. “Mr. Cobblepot,” a kiss on his right eyelid, “Mr. Cobblepot,” one on his left brow, “Mr. Cobblepot,” another to the tip of his nose. Vaguely, Ed registers the feeling of them both hardening again, as Oswald shifts to lie on top of him before placing a final soft, breathtaking kiss to his lips. Oswald breathes one last “Mr. Cobblepot” into his mouth between kisses, and Edward nearly forgets that there had been a question posed to him before all of that glorious, tender affection Oswald had bestowed upon him.

 

     “Never in my life have I been happier, Mr. Cobblepot.” Ed replies, and thus ends any real conversation for the night. Oswald takes him for the second time that evening, turning Edward into a panting mess of _yes_ _  Oswald, please Oswald, I love you Oswald.  _

 

     Legally, Sofia may have Oswald’s name, his hand; but Edward knows that he alone boasts ownership of Oswald’s heart. And that, he determines, is more than enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE! hot damn. this is my first ever full-fledged multi-chapter. Kinda sad to see it end bu i may still write the prequel (falkean) and sequel (batcat) if im ever missing regency writing too much. i know theres like three of u who even still read this damn thing but hey THANK YOU! youve left such nice comments and said such really kind things to me and it really kept me going :)
> 
> hopefully this tiny ass epilogue isn't too annoyingly short; but tbh its only here because we all KNOW that scene shoulda been pillow talk in the movie CMON NOW


End file.
